The end of our era. Starting school | It’s all change.

The end of our era. Starting school | It’s all change.

It feels strange now it is here. Now that my daughter is starting school.  After 4 years and 5 weeks it really does feel like the end of our era.

The end of our time together. Where it was just her and I. Then her, I and her brother. After he joined our gang 11 months after.

I am proud of the last 4 years we have had. I will not look back with rose tinted glasses and say they perfect. That we didn’t have hard times. There were days in the depth of winter when I’d have a poorly baby and a toddler confined to the four walls of our house all day and all night. Times where I didn’t sleep for weeks on end. Where I didn’t sit. Where we struggled to fill the hours and see the positive.

Nonetheless we got through it and that does  feel like an achievement. Like I achieved something. I am proud of that. That I raised her by myself, with her father, to this point where she is starting school a smart, funny, sassy, polite and kind little girl.

For every bad or hard time there was so much good. So much better. We have had some truly wonderful times. We have spent months on end out of the country. The children have been to some fantastic parts of the world and have had some unbeatable experiences that they will probably never remember.   Having the children and them not being at school allowed us to do this.

They have had a lucky and enjoyable life.

I will miss that life that we have had the last four years. I will miss doing what we want precisely when we want to do it. I will miss jetting off last minute. I will miss spending months out of the country. I will miss days with our friends at Thomas Land and weekday getaways to my family. I will miss playing in the garden in the sun and sitting in our pyjamas until we can be bothered to get dressed.

But now she is starting school and so much will change.

I have long been sporting the mantra ‘she’s ready’. You might have ready my post about my truth about her starting school. Essentially I think we all felt ready. She needs more and I was ready for a bit more time too.

The last 6 months I have been so positive about her starting school. We have made it an exciting new adventure. Something fun and to enjoy. I loved school as a child and I want the same for her. I want her to enjoy going. I do not want to pass any anxieties I might have about this transition onto her and I truly don’t believe I have. I am proud of that. Instead I am going to spill them out to you. Think of it as taking one for the team.

starting school
When I met my little girl for the first time.

The above remains true. It is exciting, positive and fun. It is for best and I know that she will do great things at school.

But now, the day she starts school, the day that those 4 years have ended, that our era has ended I don’t feel any of those things. They are there deep down but I can’t find the excitement, the readiness and the happy.

For this moment all I can feel is sad. I know it will pass and it is a fleeting sadness amongst so much good but I am sad.

Sad our era has ended.

Sad that we will never have this time again. That it is over.

Sad that we can no longer live the way we have the last 4 years.

Sad that my first born who changed just about everything that could be changed will not be by side each day.

I am sad she is starting school.

Sad that this morning when I dropped her off at school her brother and I went to our usual Monday morning playgroup without her.

I will miss her terribly. Her brother will miss her immensely. We missed her so, today.

Today I feel I have lost something I will never have back. So much has changed today and for that I am sad.

My oldest child is starting school. it is the end of an era for us. We have been so happy and positive and so prepared for her start school but her first day at school was sad. Sad for me as it means everything has now changed. #startingschool #parenting #mom #stayathomemom #mum #momlife


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