Are you insane? Those were the now immortal words said to me when telling a friend that I was pregnant with baby number two. Admittedly baby 1 was only four months old at the time, but still – it’s a far cry from congratulations. In fact, congratulations were few and far between with baby 2.
I think I could count on one hand the number of people who uttered that allusive C-word my way.
With both my pregnancies we kept it as our little secret for a good 4 months. It helped that I didn’t even really look pregnant until I was about 6 months and even then I could pass for having just eaten all the pies.
I really did enjoy the privacy of no one knowing I was harbouring a little baby but truth be told with baby 2 I just couldn’t face the insane comments and the looks you get when telling people you are expecting when your first is still so small.
The judgement was all over their face, the pity, the relief it wasn’t them and with most, it didn’t stop at looks. People had no qualms in proclaiming how insane we were, how hard life was going to be and boy were we in for a shock. OK we get it but come on I was still growing life, we were still expanding our family and believe it or not, despite it being earlier than intended we were excited about the new arrival, would it hurt for others to revel in the positives instead of pointing out the negatives of which we were so painfully aware – trust me!
Anyway, we are now some 7 months into our newly sized family and yes it has been hard, at times so bloody hard, It was complicated by baby 2s arrival being 2 months early and requiring a 5-week hospital stay, plus several readmissions and general poor health but all in all it is not as hard as I thought it would be, and let’s face it going from no baby to one baby is the hardest transition!
The best way I think I can describe having two babies with 11 months between them is the good the bad and the ugly so here goes…
The good
I think I’ll start on a positive note. Baby 1 at her tiny 18 months adores her little brother and it appears mutual. She makes him giggle, she loves him, cuddles him, kisses him and makes sure we all give him attention. It is a heart melter. I am also told by just about everyone, they will grow up together and be best of friends, I really do hope this is true as I can’t imagine anything better than having a sibling for a best friend.
Further, whilst we are at times, in sleep deprivation hell the silver lining for me is that this is it, this is as hard as it gets. They are so close in age that the phase will, for the most part, be experienced together and at once. The night feeds/wake-ups, the nappies, the tantrums the general reliance on their parents for just about everything, is now, for them both – does it make it twice as hard? I don’t know, maybe, but I don’t know it any other way now and when it’s over it will be over. We don’t intend to welcome another little newborn into the fold to throw us back into this phase so, for us, there is a light we are just creeping slowly toward it.
The bad
Of course, there are some insane bad times and I’m not one to shy away from that. For example, the hardest thing of late has been the dreaded sleep or lack thereof. By the time baby 2 came along baby 1 was sleeping through the night and I’m talking 7.30 – 8.30/9.30 sometimes even 10 – I know I am sorry, please do hate me (if it helps, she had me up every hour for the first 12 weeks of her life and every couple thereafter until about 10 months). But for the last couple of months, both babies seem to have been on speed. Baby 2 would wake for a feed I would just get him back off to hear baby 1 start to grumble followed by an almighty scream. I’d then spend the next 2 hours getting her to sleep, just in time for baby 1 to wake for the next feed.
FML. An average of 4 hours of broken sleep over a prolonged period is the insane work of the devil, as we all know.
The ugly
Simply put this is me. I’m not talking about the physical sense here although there is no eye cream good enough to counteract the night feed lines I have developed. But the person I once was does seem to be a thing of the past.
I was once a good friend, I could have a two-way conversation and I did have a functioning and occasionally intellectual brain. Now I fear I have become so wrapped up in my baby busyness I have let this fall by the wayside. Friends get their birthday presents late, I am engaged in conversation but am part watching 2 babies, part thinking about everything that needs to be done and part asleep.
As for my brainpower, well I get through the day and I don’t feel I can ask for much more at the minute. So for all my friends out there, old and new, I am sorry if I am only half there or not at all sometimes. I don’t love you any less, in fact, more than ever, I think (hope) I’m just stuck inside a bubble of the incomprehensible and all-consuming baby take over that will one day ease up and be over…simultaneously.
So yes 2 babies in 11 months are hard but 1 baby or 2 babies at any time is hard. That being said, with it comes so much good, happiness and love that I couldn’t give two shits if there was 11 months or 11 years between them. I love them the way they are and enjoy every day I have with them (most of it anyway). Although before the sound of chirping birds takes over, I must confess, I wrote this post after baby 1 spent the day being sick and baby 2s insane attention-seeking ways drove me to open a bottle of wine …
It dies sound really hard but no one should judge you for having your children so close together, it really isn’t anyone else business. People should offer support not criticism. I think it’s lovely, they will be so close as they grow up. Once the sleepless nights and nappies are over there will be no looking back foe you, I have a mum friend who had 2 babies within a year and she found it hard at the start bit now she says it easier than she thought it would be. I hope you start getting lots of sleep soon xx #BloggerClubUK
Gosh – hard work I am sure but also so rewarding! I had similar comments not due to closeness but when I had baby number four so I do understand to some extent. Apparently, having 3 was perfectly acceptable but having four was shear lunacy! Bringing up children is extremely hard but so rewarding. I also agree with you that going from none to one is the hardest transition. Enjoy your two – before you know it they will be at school! 🙂 #BloggerClubUK
Whatever you do there’s always someone with something to say. We’ve had our children close together, not as close as you but 3 in 4 years. I love it and can’t imagine doing it any other way. When I had my second my first was 20 months and I found the first year the hardest. Just do what you can to get through that first year and then the second year was so much easier. Then I had another! 😂 you’ll get some of yourself back, it just takes a bit of time.
What a lovely comment thank you, I especially like the bit about it getting easier after the first year lol I live in hope for that. But it’s easier now 7 months in than it was at the beginning so if we carry on in that ilk the future is bright lol. There is definitely something to be said for having them close and there certainly are some perks and it’s nice to hear others say they’ve done it too and loved it :). Thanks for your comments xx
I got some crazy comments from a couple people when we were expecting our second, they weren’t even really close (2 years apart). I once had someone tell me “good luck, if our first was a boy we wouldn’t have had another baby” whilst I was pregnant with my first boy. I came to the conclusion that some people just like to say weird or mean things to pregnant women!
It is hard but it does get easier and, like you say, you get all that night-waking, zombie tired stage out the way in one go!
#FabFridayPost
Congratulations!! Im sorry that you had problems with people accepting your second baby initially and then to have the stress of an early arrival. I am sure they will grow up the best of friends. I can not remember the sleepless nights now although I am sure I will when our second turns up in May. So if theres any comfort I guess the sleepless nights will become a distant memory and they will be very close as they grow up together. Thank you for joining us as #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x
Ah thank you and what a comforting comment – you cannot remember sleepless night, there is hope! Congratulations and all the best for your new arrival in May x
With triplets making 6 kids in 6 years I can relate to all you say here, mine are now age 11 to 17 and such good friends, I can safely say things get easier and you will appreciate their close age over the difficulties in time. #MarvMondays
Oh yes I can imagine you got your fair share of comments. You are living proof it gets easier, so thank you for brightening up my day lol xxx
Congratulations on the birth of your second. It does sound so hard, and you are an absolute superstar for managing two. I’m finding one hard enough. But as you say, I think it helps not knowing any different. Keep going, and enjoy every moment, they’ll only be this young once. I also think that with a small age gap they’ll be such great friends. Claire x #MarvMondays
Ah thank you that’s such a lovely comment 🙂 one two or five they’re all bloody hard but like you say keep going and they’ll be all grown up before we know and we’ll morn the baby days…maybe… Thanks again xx
Congratulations. I love that you focus on the positive of it all and that with all the happiness and love it doesn’t matter how far apart the kids are. My mother had my brother and eighteen months later had my sister and I (twins) and I think you nailed it that it doesn’t matter really – it’s work but it is also happiness. Enjoyed the true confession at the end of the post. Thanks for linking up with the #FabFridayPost.
Wow your mum had it tougher than me but I bet she wouldn’t change it either! Thank you for your comment ☺️ x
I had 2 within 16 months and that got enough raised eye brows! Would I have it any other way? No – I wouldn’t. For me, as an older Mum, it got all that nappy malarkey etc out of the way so much sooner and No 2 nappy trained only a few months after No 1. Lack of sleep – yeah, well I reckon that was the worst but then again it was all over sooner than had they been 2 or 3 years apart. Mind you, compared to a Mum I knew we have both had it easy – she had 2 sets of twins 11 months apart LOL. #FabFridayPost
Yeah that’s exactly how I see it, it all happens at once and we haven’t got to go through it again, especially the dreaded sleep. And wow 2 lots of twins in 11 months definitely makes us look like we had it easy!! Thank you for such a great comment 😊 x
I really enjoyed this post. I think there’s definitely something to be said for going through it all at once- I know my sister in law is about to have her third and is dreading going back to those newborn days and sleepless nights, at least you are getting it all done now! And it will be so great for them growing up so close in age – my friends brother is a year younger than her and they have always been best mates! I think you’ve got a lovely family. #coolmumclub
Ah thank you that is a lovely comment. Yes ‘getting it all done’ is so ring I take solace in on the particularly bad days. Maybe the bad nights won’t feel so bad for your sister in law the second time around. Or at least be shorter with just one. Thanks again for your lovely comment x
All I can say is a massive hats off to you! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
I think it’s a lovely age gap! It must be very hard and the tiredness must be unbearable at times! I know mine is and there is 23 months between mine! Everything will become easier and I have no doubt you will be back to your normal self! 🙂 x
It can be horrendous, as I’m sure you know, but as with everything it is just a phase… Thanks for your comment
Apologies if you get two comments from me I’m not sure if the one I posted earlier worked! Congratulations. There definitely something to be said for getting it all done at once, my sister in law is about to have her third and is dreading going back to a demanding newborn and sleepless nights! I am sure they will be close, my friend’s brother is a year younger than her and they have always been best buds! #coolmumclub
You must be an amazing Mum…I love that line…11 months or 11 years…so true. Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub x
There is only 19 months between my boys and it was really hard at first…especially as my eldest hated his new brother with a passion lol, but as they grew older they have always been so close, in to the same things and I don’t regret it for a second. Plus if I had waited til my eldest hit the terrible twos I might never have had his brother 😉 Ignore people, some have an opinion on everything and just enjoy those baby days they go by way too quickly – mine are 10 and 11 and a half now eek!
Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
Stevie x
Oh I can relate to that. When you see how demanding they get as they get a bit older, I swear my 18 month old is at the terrible twos already 😱. But you’re right it’ll be over before we know it! Thank you for your comment x
Aw, how rubbish that no one was congratulating you! I think everyone assumes it must be an accident if you get so pregnant so soon after the first but I know so many who’ve had two in one go to get the first couple of years of no sleep out the way at once. It makes sense in a way as I’m not pregnant with #2 almost 3 years later and now terrified of those first few months. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays! Kaye xo
Shame everyone seems to think it’s ok to voice their opinion even when in reality it’s quite rude!I have an 11 year gap between the 1st two and then 3 between the smaller ones and to be honest the little ones tend to spend all day plotting to kill each other and the older one doesn’t get involved with them at all.My Mum had my brother and I with an 11 month gap and we were and still are best buddies x #kcacols
It does sound hard, but I cannot believe how few people congratulated you! One of my son’s teachers had her daughters very close together like you – they are now 5&6 and she said they it’s actually easier now they’re older as they’re the best of friends and keep each other entertained so hopefully it will balance out 🙂 #kcacols
Aww bless you great post :). We had 15 months between my two little ones, and initially it was hand as all I wanted to do was sleep as the newborn was sleeping but my toddler had other ideas lol. But once we figured out a routine that worked, things seemed to move smoothly and we’re alot easier xx #kcacols
I think it’s terrible when people are so negative towards a pregnant woman, I struggled with that as well and that was my first baby! (probably because it was unexpected and everyone couldn’t really grasp that I would be a mother haha). Anyway I love how honest you are in this post! It must be hard but it sounds like it’s double the love! : )
Yes it will be brilliant when they are bigger & entertaining each other! You will be able to have hot drinks and everything! #bigpinklink
Do you know what, people will comment whatever your age gap! Everyone always has far too much to say about other people’s life choices. It’s such a shame that you were made to feel like you had made an error. It’s obviously such a silly observation as it’s not as if you could change it for a start and secondly, it’s worked out just perfectly for you. You deal with the hand life gives you and you are already seeing the wonderful positives of a close age gap. To be honest, my second pregnancy didn’t get much attention at all, so maybe think that at least people were interested in yours! 😉 Thanks so much for linking up with our #bigpinklink leap year special!
What an amazing lady you are, thank you for being so honest! I think there is most definitely something to be said for having babies close together. Both myself and my husband have 4 1/2 years between ourselves and our siblings and neither of us is very close with them. Of course there will be people who love the bigger gap but I always wanted a close gap between mine. So far I have a 6 month old but no sign of number 2 quite yet! #bigpinklink
Thank you for that lovely comment. Yes it’s tough at the minute but I am hoping it will pay dividends as they grow up x
I can’t believe that people judged you – says more about them as people. The age difference between our two is 19 years. Just as one is leaving home, and we start to have cash again to spend on ourselves, my husband has to start all over again. Now that is MENTAL (the first is my step-daughter). And we definitely got some comments which we brushed off because we actually agreed with them LOL. #KCACOLS
Wow good for you brushing them off. We get our fair few too, but he’s they’re not too far from the truth sometime. Thank you for your comment it made me smile ☺️ xx
I wouldn’t say crazy, I’d say brave! But I guess you do it all in one go, sleepless nights, teething, etc will all be done straight one after the other
#bigpinklink
Relate to this! Mine are not quite but nearly as close – my eldest was 6 months old when I got pregnant (without knowing) again. People always tell me we’re crazy and I must have my hands full. But I agree – it’s not so hard! & my eldest has always loved her little sister too. They’re very close. I think just managing them out and about hardest bit, really, mostly because eldest hasn’t been able to do so much walking & physical play during week when I’m alone with them as I couldn’t watch and help her, and look after baby usually. Compounded by having no family near and I have no car as partner takes it, so walk everywhere with tandem buggy. But youngest 18 months now so she can do stuff too. #KCACOLS
You are spot on the hardest is definitely getting out and about. I’d i go anywhere I try and time it round baby 2s feeds so I don’t have to negotiate that and an 18 month old. I find the sympathy looks and the oh she’s got it tough looks the worst! My family are far away too, which I find hard but I rarely use it. I find it easier putting them in the buggy over the car. Our time will come when we’re sat (with a glass of wine) watching our two play with each other xxx
People love judging but at the end of the day it is your life not theirs as you are the one who will deal with it so who cares what they say or think right? I guess things happen for a reason so if you have your kids very close was maybe for the best, who knows. We certainly know that you are happy and you wouldn’t change anything. 🙂 In my case I got it in the other way around as my girls have 4 years of difference and I got people saying that it was a long gap. Yes it is a long gap but it is the only way I know too. Sienna is almost 19 months so still have a few years before I can be a little bit more relaxed again. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x
I had just 14 months between my first and second baby so totally get where you are coming from here. It made me really sad that people responded to our wonderful news with ARE YOU MAD?! We were over the moon to be having another baby! Then we had a long gap of 7 years before our third baby came along and faced the ARE YOU MAD?! comments yet again. Seriously. You can’t do right for doing wrong, somebody will always judge!