Besties, bezzies, best mates what ever you want to call them they are worth their weight in gold. Everybody needs one, or many, and everyone should have one. I am lucky in that I have a few. They have all in one way or another helped to make me the person I am, seriously, and I am eternally grateful to them. That said love them as I do, there are some things that only these people can get away with…
1. ‘You seriously look rough as fuck’
Actual words from a person I deem a best friend. However she was absolutely correct. I looked rough as fuck after we had two too many gins the night before. You can always rely on a bestie to tell you the truth, if something doesn’t suit or you generally look petty shit.
2. Don’t be a dick
Or words to that effect. I recently created a ‘workout’ board on Pinterest – here’s what my bestie had to say about it.
It is not confined to this either, any life decisions, even the biggys you think your friends may regret you do not hold back in telling them not to be a dick and do something stupid. Similarly they will happily tell you after taking that shitty ex back again, to stop being a dick. Or a simple ‘yeah you were a dick last night’ after too many glasses fizz also fits nicely into this category.
3. Are you feeding me?
You know when you make plans circa a meal time and you are not sure whether said plans will include food and you have that big internal debate about whether you should eat before or after, or you try to subtly get it into conversation, as let’s face it no one wants to miss a meal. A real mate won’t internalise they will just ask. More people should be like this in my book.
4. My kids are really annoying me.
Me and my mum bestie have uttered this many a time. Followed by ‘I can say it to you because…’. It is a judgement free zone, you can say anything and it goes unchecked.
5. ‘Don’t talk to me’.
You know when you are really upset and people talking to you or being nice to you only makes it worse. Yeah that. You can be rude and abrupt to your bestie by telling them to do one because you don’t wish to re-open those flood gates in Costa. They totally get it and oblige by talking about their drama. If however hot fiery tears flood through those gates anyway they quickly whip you out of sight to offload and cry quietly into your tea, without onlookers.
Sometimes, out of curtesy, my friend and I will send each other the pre-warning text to alert them to our impending emotional instability, giving each other the heads up to basically ignore each other for the 90 minutes of playgroup. Other than to give the ‘you ok’ eyes.
When crying into your tea just won’t cut it. Or celebratory wine. Your birthday. Their birthday. Your child’s birthday. The dogs birthday. Saturday.
7. I’ll help you bury the body
Because they know it was probably justified.
8. What happened on holiday stays on holiday.
We’ve all been on a girly holiday, or 5 and we all know that somethings are best left in Magaluf. Say.no.more.
9. What to do in times of crises.
A real friend will know when it is wine, chocolate or a shoulder to cry on that you need. If you are having panic attack in the middle of a car park they will be able to help. If shit is hitting the fan and all your spinning plates are crashing around you they will have the words of wisdom or the actions to help when you need it most irregardless of what is going on in their life.
10. No words needed – the look says it all. Friend telepathy