The night goes well, you know when you see every hour. No real reason, your two and three year old sleep soundly but you decide to give yourself the mental run down of everything in your life that you may need to fix at some point in the next 50 years. After all 2 am is notoriously known as the best time to do this. When you do finally conclude that nothing can be done and sleep get’s the better of you your daily 6am alarm call from toddler 1 goes off.
Today however is no ordinary day, today they will have colluded during the night to ensure that there is nothing harmonious about the day what.so.ever. They have joined forces to push mums limits and boy do they start strong.
Whatever one has the other wants and they will not relent until they get it. They will fight, they will kick and oh lord will they scream. They will not share the table space, the pens, toys, book, anything really. There will be no reasoning, no logic, no element of sense talked into either one.
They will be fiercely independent over EVERYTHING. They will not accept help and you will sit for an eternity waiting for them to ‘do it my own’.
You as parent will have been awake for goodness knows how many hours, out of bed for three and feel utterly wronged by the whole situation. You will have screamed to compete and screamed to try and get them to just be NICE TO EACH OTHER. You will have most likely sobbed and be on your third cup of highly caffeinated but tepid tea. You will feel broken and it will only be 9am. The day is still young people.
Getting dressed is equally fun as no fucker wants to bother yet they will want to leave the house, obviously. Meal times are a joke. They will ask for every item in the fridge not to eat it. The colour of the plate better be correct or god help you. Chances are you will tell the diet to go fuck itself and indulge in an overly calorific coconut magnum but it will be worth it.
All children, ney all members of the family will be overly sensitive. Hot angry tears and inconsolable shrieks will erupt from any given member at any given moment. The day is an emotional game of Russian Roulette.
Chances are life is not content with just with being an arse ache within the house. Shit will need to the fan elsewhere too. Probably a family member will be in hospital. A pet might die. Fraudsters will take money from a vulnerable sibling. Someone somewhere will be in dire need and only you can help.
Oh and it will be raining.
The usual bath time rescue time will be of no help. Trying to clean emotional temperamental mini devils will be worse than trying to remove limescale from the shower. You will debate how necessary shampoo really is. PS it is not, not today.
There will be more arguing for good measure and you will finally call time and declare bed time, which incidentally will also be a massive joke. You will read 50 thousand stories (that you have read every night for the last 2 months) to placate anymore meltdowns and end up throwing both kids into bed after goodness knows how long spent pissing about.
Today you will want to shove in the fuck it bucket go to sleep at 8.54 and start again tomorrow safe in the knowledge that tomorrow will be a new day that will probably start at 6 am again.
Sound familiar to anyone? Nope just me?…