Side Effects of Having Children; Why Did No One Tell me?

me and zara

I am not sure what was wrong with me before having my babies, I seemed to be in the dark about a lot of things. I expected some things childbirth would hurt, lack of sleep, generally increased stress levels. Some things I expected didn’t happen, such as weight gain, turns out breast-feeding does burn 17,000 calories day, especially when you have a baby that feeds all day and all night, but that’s cool. Pass the doughnuts. I also expected to be a Zen, Mother Earth type of mum – I am not. I probably fit better with the mum hiding the bottle Sauv Blanc in her bag but whatevs. Then there was this, these following things that have happened to me since birthing my tiny humans. Things that have, all in all, taken me a little by surprise, to say the least.

1. Your dignity 

Man alive you can say goodbye to this. Be prepared to walk around IKEA with your boobs leaking and consequently sporting what is best described as boob sweat patches. If you dare take your sicky reflux baby out of the house, they will vom on the nice old lady cooing over them. You will have to drop your draws and have your foof inspected by a midwife as you lay legs akimbo on your sofa at you 5 day post partum check and you will have your boobs out ALL THE TIME. The thought of your father in law sat across from you as you whip out said boobs is excruciating isn’t it? Yep, so is the reality.

2. Speaking of boobs

Whilst we are on the topic of breasts if you don’t have children yet, pull open your top have a look down and admire the pair you have. Along with the fact nobody is feeding from them, touching them or trying to squeeze milk out of them. Once you welcome your own tiny human into this world it won’t take long before someone you have not long met will start trying to eek out some food for that tiny human.  We tried the breast-feeding thing, my girl wasn’t feeling it straight off. In order to not lose what I am told to be liquid gold the ever caring HCA leant a hand, literally. She squeezed my breasts to within an inch of their lives, after I had just squeezed a bowling ball out of my lady parts. It was all getting a little much by this point. Now after two children, two rounds of feedings and constant expressing I no longer have the need for a bra. Just a sign that reads, RIP.

3. Hair

Ok so I did have some expectation on this front. I planned to have it cut into a stylish mum bob as I rocked my inner zen mum with effortless hair. PAH. With pregnancy I welcomed new hair. I literally grew new hair, that now, nearly two years since the birth of my last child is still growing and looking down right weird. It is hair that doesn’t fit into ponytails and just goes where it wants, uncontrollably. Yet here is the best bit, despite these newly filled follicles I seem to be shedding hair at a rapid rate. WTF? My fully grown, long hair. My children have left me googling ‘why is my hair falling out?’ and researching Advanced Tricho Pigmentation Treatment. Trust me, if the hormones don’t get it the stress of toddler tantrums will.

Me showing my baby hair

The slow growing new hair, post baby

4. Your relationship

We have all heard couples say they have decided to have a baby to bring them closer together or to so say save their marriage. Well I mean this with love but, I don’t understand? Mr Tammy and I were that smug pair that seldom argued. Until we had a child. Then another. My goodness the abuse we have hurled at each other at 3am across the landing, having been dragged out of our separate beds – as dictated by the children. I somehow don’t think that counts are ‘quality time’ or ‘bonding’ that may be required to bring one another closer together. I now understand why they say you have to ‘work’ at a marriage. Work to not murder said partner as they sleep through the umpteenth baby cry or for not having boobs.

What about you? Did you experience any unexpected side effects of having children? Were there things you expected that never materialised or was it all pretty much to plan? Although I somewhat doubt the latter. Either way I’d love to hear from you.

diaryofanimperfectmum
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48 Comments

  1. Mark whyley
    April 14, 2017 / 6:52 pm

    LOL yes all of these are spot on! Very funny.

  2. April 16, 2017 / 9:37 am

    Oh yes! I can relate to all of these. In regard to the hair thing, I think its utterly unfair that we are given luscious hair when pregnant, thanks to hormones and shit, only for it to be taken away after birth! As if we haven’t been through enough! I put my hair up one day, in the standard mum bun style, only to see bald patches at my temple. My hair was down a lot more after that! #KCACOLS

  3. April 16, 2017 / 11:11 pm

    These are some interesting side effects. My side effects were a bit different, though…but for some reason, after having a baby, I find that my leg muscles are always tired no matter how much I massage or stretch them. Has anyone else experience this? #KCACOLS

  4. April 18, 2017 / 3:38 am

    This made me chuckle as I agree with all points raised here. I’ve been exclusively bf Eco since birth (he’ll 14 months in a few weeks please god) so know what you mean re our once perky breasts are no longer. I find the stresses of parenthood has definitely contributed to my O/H and I arguing more than we ever did pre baby (been together 14.5 years) #KCACOLS

  5. April 19, 2017 / 6:29 am

    I have NEVER understood how people could have a child to “bring them closer” Having a child is the ultimate test of how much abuse your relationship can take. I haven’t slept in 5 years (my son has severe sleep issues) while husband complains if he has to get up before 5 grrr.
    #FamilyFunLinky

  6. April 19, 2017 / 7:53 am

    All of these! But honestly, no-one ever told me about the hair loss – mine started coming out in clumps in the shower, it was terrifying! And nothing has made me burn with resentment towards my husband as much as having a child – so often I sit there seething irrationally at him, while he just carries on oblivious! #FamilyFun

  7. April 19, 2017 / 8:49 am

    “Just a sign that reads RIP” pahahah! brilliant. My 2 very sorry for themselves Tetley pyramid bags are also vetrans of 2 hungry babies!

    And baby hair – oh yes, what is that all about?! I now have a fringe when the wind blows in the wrong direction!!

    xxx

    #familyfun

  8. April 19, 2017 / 10:00 am

    This is hilarious! It’s funny how quickly I got used to whipping my boobs out and thinking nothing of it… I remember asking my brother in law to bring me a drink or something while I was feeding and he looked all awkward, I didn’t even twig why until my sister said!
    Oh my goodness I am scared about my hair as it was all starting to grow weird after TM and then I got pregnant again… what will happen to me Sarah?! And yep it’s crazy when people have a child to bring them closer together…we quite literally have ours sleeping in between us most nights 😂😂 #FamilyFun

  9. April 19, 2017 / 10:19 am

    OMG for sure the weird hair growth and constant shredding. And why does NO ONE warn you about the midwife/nurses who come and squeeze your boobs? Hands down the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. #familyfunlinky

  10. April 19, 2017 / 11:02 am

    Oh yes! My poor, poor hair – it has never been quite the same. I still have weird short hairs around my hairline nearly two years after giving birth – it will take decades for them to grow out! #FamilyFun

  11. April 19, 2017 / 12:15 pm

    yes! all of these and then several million more!

    #familyfun

  12. Yes! I also never thought I would long to do chores but now that I can rarely find the time I find myself staying longingly at a cupboard thinking “I wish I could reorganise you without all the contents being pinched and either eaten or spread around the house.”. *sigh* #FamilyFunLinky

  13. April 19, 2017 / 3:55 pm

    I can’t comment about boobs, except that I still like my wife’s, but #4 is a big one. The time and energy that littles drain really does make it hard. I don’t understand why anybody would think a baby would keep them together either #KCACOLS

  14. April 19, 2017 / 4:26 pm

    Sorry I did chuckle about the boobs. And where does that baby hair come from? I started to sound like my mother too. AARRRHHHH! #FamilyFun

  15. April 19, 2017 / 6:17 pm

    Yup! I agree. One thing I thought would be a given is I’d easily make some mummy friends, nope this is not the case it’s been 22 months of hard slog and continued trying to get to happy place that if I didn’t keep trying would mean those I have made would disappear just as much. No besties here! Apart from my online buds of course 😝 Ff

  16. April 20, 2017 / 1:46 pm

    Yep! On one side of my head, I also have a section of hair now that mats for no reason in addition to falling out all the time. Wtf? #ablogginggoodtime

  17. April 20, 2017 / 2:05 pm

    One side effect of having children that I LOVE is that my reflexes are quick as a ninja now. Not in anything USEFUL but in catching plates of food launched across the room, toy cars in cafes, cups thrown at TVs. BAM I’m there to catch them, it’s like I’ve created a sixth sense that lets me know when something is going to be thrown. #ablogginggoodtime

  18. April 20, 2017 / 2:31 pm

    My boobs are better now! I think my hair is too! I’ve done well! #familyfun

  19. April 20, 2017 / 2:35 pm

    It has been a while for me since those early days when your body just isn’t your own and I am glad to say most of it is a distant memory. Take heart it gets better for a while and then wham out of nowhere it’s the teen years and menopause all combined. Enjoy the bit in the middle!. #FamilyFun ps you have fab hair!

    • Tammymum
      April 23, 2017 / 7:17 pm

      Haha, thank you for your advice, I’ll be sure to take that with me :) x

  20. April 20, 2017 / 8:03 pm

    Ooh I had forgotten about the hair (it was 14 years ago) but yes, the boobs!! Lol great post #familyfun

  21. April 20, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    Oddly during pregnancy my wife lost some hair…and I am lucky that my boobs will remain the same. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.

  22. April 20, 2017 / 10:48 pm

    Oh boy! I wish I had the RIP “problem”….if anything, I have the opposite hootchie problem AND I HATE IT!!!! Sigh…
    Sorry I missed last week so stopping by on this week’s post even though I am not linking anything for #31. #familyfunlinky

    • Tammymum
      April 23, 2017 / 7:11 pm

      OH gosh, that doesn’t sound much fun either. No worries lovey, but have you seen my #MeetTheFamily post – I took part this week and gave a little nod to you and your blog in it xx

  23. April 21, 2017 / 7:31 am

    My hair has done wierd things, my boobs are totally lopsided – one is significantly larger than the other, I’ve lost the baby weight quite easily from breastfeeding (from one breast) for two years, but my body is in a totally different shape. Pregnancy did something weird to my insides and I now fart a lot more. I have piles.

    On a positive note I still have a strong pelvic floor woohoo and am not daunted by a trampoline and sex is better post childbirth.

    All very strange an unpredictable. Pen x #KCACOLS

  24. April 21, 2017 / 11:36 am

    Spot on and very funny! Now that my fourth is nearly four, things have got easier, especially on the sleep front. My body remains changed, hair and all, and not for the better, but look at what it did – growing, birthing and keeping 4 little humans alive!
    #FamilyFun

  25. April 21, 2017 / 5:31 pm

    Ah yes the hair loss and when you’ve not lost it it becomes a nutritional delicacy for your little one to chomp on! #FamilyFun

  26. April 21, 2017 / 7:05 pm

    The lack of interest in doing anything ACTIVE once they are asleep. How!!!!???? #ablogginggooodtime

  27. April 22, 2017 / 7:38 am

    Yes, yes and yes!! Boobs- gone hair-gone sanity- gone! Haha #familyfunlinky

  28. April 22, 2017 / 8:09 am

    I was foolish and my dignity had mostly returned when my daughter was 5, so I had another baby and waved goodbye again! He’s two now and it’s still not back!

    #FamilyFun

  29. April 22, 2017 / 6:02 pm

    Yep I get all of this. And the bit about wanting to kill my husband for not having boobs. I never expected the resentment I felt at him in those early few weeks tying to get to grips with breastfeeding. Xx #FamilyFun

    • Tammymum
      April 23, 2017 / 6:39 pm

      I know the resentment is unexplainable isn’t it, but boy it is there lol! Thank you for comment xx

  30. April 23, 2017 / 4:31 pm

    All the wine I’d need to drink! No-one told me about that! #postsfromtheheart

    • Tammymum
      April 23, 2017 / 6:39 pm

      HAHA how did I forget that one!?

  31. April 23, 2017 / 4:35 pm

    Sorry #familyfunlinky – baby brain!!

  32. April 23, 2017 / 5:58 pm

    Oh I remember the hairloss! It came out in clumps, I was mortified! I didn’t breastfeed though so I didn’t have that problem!! :) #familyfun

  33. April 23, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    The crying at any program remotely happy or sad… seriously I now cry at everything whereas before I was a tough nut to crack! #familyfun

  34. April 23, 2017 / 10:27 pm

    Oh boy, can I relate to this. I have so many random short hairs on my head, some along the front of my hairline where it’s harder to hide them. Lots of my hair falls out too, although I think that’s slowing down. It’s so weird! #ABloggingGoodTime

  35. April 24, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    YES YES YESSS! To all of these. My first was exactly how I expected, I was Mother Earth and looked down on my nose at everyone who did not do things my way. I was a massive dick. Number two, just 18 months in between, I take it all back! I am everything I never thought I would be, but I’m coming to terms with that! #KCACOLS

    • Tammymum
      April 24, 2017 / 9:31 pm

      Haha I love this thank you! Yes having two so close really does change things doesn’t it 😂. Thanks for your comment lovey xx

  36. April 26, 2017 / 6:48 pm

    Ha ha ha bless you. My side affect is I now have no life whatsoever other than being mum but 99% of the time I’m ok with that!
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime and don’t forget to join us again this week!

  37. April 26, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    I had no boobs to start with lol. Breastfeeding did not work out for me.
    #KCACOLS

  38. April 27, 2017 / 8:39 pm

    Haha, I was prepared for the whole loss of dignity thing, my mum told me before I had my son that you just leave it at the door when you get to the hospital to give birth! x #KCACOLS

  39. April 28, 2017 / 4:19 pm

    Oh my gosh, the hair! I have a draft post written on this. I hate my weird short little hairs! #kcacols