… and it isn’t over yet. Tell me I am not the only one who is finding this winter particularly horrendous. Actually, you do not have to. Just opening my Instagram or Facebook tells me you are all cooped up inside with poorly babies, nursing poorly husbands and fighting your own battle with mumflu. Winter, thus far, has been a never-ending conveyor belt of colds, sniffles and poorly tums and it doesn’t look like we are getting off anytime soon.
It is almost as though a sickness post is in every ‘mummy bloggers’ *cringe* wings waiting to be unleashed. It has taken me 16 months but I am finally joining ranks and conforming with mine.
I have never really been one for being ill. Super immune system, youth, hardcore, ha, I don’t know but my sickness was always few and far between. This however was pre kids, and pre Scarlett Fever but that is for another day. Nowadays my local hangouts, they be slobber covered, germ breeding play-groups and soft plays. I regularly get snot in or around my mouth thanks to my smallest’s wet kisses, we end up sharing spoons, gross but it happens and we are together all the live long day. So really it is inevitable, the germs they be coming and they be staying.
We all know the drill it starts with the kids, they bring it home having eaten the plastic fruit at play-group or licked the baby with the snotty nose, render us housebound and climbing the walls. Thanks. I find there are two types of kiddies illness; 1. The Sleeper. This is the best kind, the type where they sleep all day allowing you to get on with whatever you need, i.e. everything, if you’re lucky they’ll sleep all night too. Then there is number 2. The Irritable. The can’t get comfy, the surgically attached to mum, the sweaty, the in pain, the hungry but won’t eat, the down right miserable. Allowing you to get absolutely nothing done and if you dare put said sick child down you will most certainly live to regret it, oh the snotty/tear covered face – you will not know where the tears end and the snot begins. Get a mum nappy it is kinder for everyone. This is mostly likely going to be you. Sorry. I think the sleeper might be a lie.
The good thing though, kids are up and down like a yo-yo. They can have a raging temperature, sick as can be, chuck them some calpol and a trip to the doctors and they’ll miraculously perk up in time for you to look like an over protective, time-wasting parent, bringing yet another bloody virus into the surgery. #sorrynotsorry.
Then it’s your turn, after having snot wiped all over you for three days straight some of those germs will penetrate and strike you down. Don’t worry though guys it is not the type that renders you bed ridden, unable to move from the aches and chills or the type where you can’t breath without a tub of Vicks strapped to your nose. Oooooh no it.is.not. It may well be, but circumstance will dictate you will be lucky to see your bed during the night let alone the day. By now your children will be healthy again and cabin fever will have got the better of them. They will want to jump, shout, run and chuck things at or on you. They will want feeding (bastards), nappies need to be changed, bums wiped, washing done, work to attend, bleurgh need I go on. Your patience will be at an all time low and you will
walk shuffle around the house doubled over feeling sorry for yourself, cursing all the germs and your decision to procreate, but it’s OK because Daddy will be home soon, the calvary is coming….
…. ‘Daddy!!’ Come the squeals , ‘Mummy, Daddy’s home’ **of thank
fuck god**. Dad comes through the door says his hellos waits for the kids to be out of ear shot and says ‘god I feel fucking awful, I am so ill‘
Cupboards are raided for drugs, vitamins, supplements and chicken soup, because you know chicken soup is medicinal and the law when ill. He is swiftly off to bed with a bottle of night nurse and a box of tissues. Need I say it? Don’t be gross about the tissues and, no, not an actual night nurse, neeeever gonna happen.
And repeat. Ad infinitum. Or at least until the Daffs are in full bloom.
Oh and the above, that’s for the lucky ones. This is your common cold, chances are you will also have a delightful case of noro-virus, (oh the washing), cases of D&V (MORE WASHING), actual flu and someone will get some stupid illness you thought extinct, Scarlett Fever anyone?
Winter. I am SO over it. Can we move to the sun now please? #isitsummeryet
What about you? Have you been suffering? Are you little ones just non-stop walking germs infecting you all? I wold love to hear from you.