I am Always On Your Case.

I am Always On Your Case.

Kiddos, I love you, more than you will ever know. Perhaps until you have your own little terrors and then you might start to understand the feelings I hold for you both. Lately however it seems, I am always on your case. I do not want to be but, you see, I would quite like you to grow up to be decent members of society. Or for us to at least get through a public escapade without total humiliation, mine, admittedly.

I mean, I would rather you didn’t eat like cavemen. It would be nice if you didn’t bull charge head first into someone when you don’t get your own way and ideally, I would rather you didn’t spend time at her majesty’s pleasure, rehab or hospital.

You can get away, kind of, with many a socially unacceptable trait at the moment as you are both under the age of three. It does however mean the responsibility falls on me to make sure that when the decisions are all yours to make that you make the right ones. No pressure then.

So forgive me guys for barking the same orders at you all the time, they are said with love. Sometimes a little bordem, ok a lot, and more often than not frustration or is that desperation? You decide. They are however, above all else, said for good reason. So here are the top 5 things I have had to say to you lately.

  1. ‘Toby stop hitting your sister’. Should you continue down this path one day someone will hit back and you won’t be able to come yelling for ‘MUMMA’. This goes for biting, shoving, hair pulling and yes, your favourite bull charging. Please don’t take my laughter at your tiny frame stampeding head first in to your well built sister as acceptance. Small man syndrome is not a good quality , see your father for more information.
    Toby's told off face

    THE FACE! The face of someone who has just been told off for hitting his sister. Excuse the ponytail – his hair was REALLY long.

  2. Use your spoon’. Eating with your hands is all fun and games, until you have soup, stew, casserole or ice cream. Your hands are sure way to lose your precious food my boy, especially your ice cream. Also, you make us look feral. Just because the boot fits doesn’t mean it should be worn out of the house.
  3. ‘Zara leave his willy alone’. My dear, I know it is fascinating to see (er, I guess), but cupping your hands on your brother’s nether regions will not serve you well in the big wide world. In fact doing it to anyone will present you problems. Take it from me darling – LEAVE IT ALONE. Whilst we are on the topic, Toby, the man with his hands down his pants is not OK. Leave it be. Er, actually you too Zara.
  4. Toby will get your hands out of the toilet‘. I am not altogether sure what your obsessions is here, yet you can’t help yourself. Hanging out in toilets will get yourself a bad rep, it did no favours for George Michael (RIP) and having your hands in them, probably a case sepsis. Please mate, keep your hands out of the toilet.
  5. ‘Will you both just get dressed’. Oh boy babies, this is the bain of my life. Chasing you round, wriggling your squirmy limbs into something to cover your naked bods just so we can leave the house – it drives me mad. Streaking is frowned upon, the general public don’t like nakedness it makes them awkward and they don’t know where to look. If nothing else its bloody baltic out and you’ve already has too many colds this winter. GET DRESSED. NOW. Zara, the same also applies to pulling your trousers and pants down in public and walking around with your bum sticking out. It is unbecoming of a lady, dah-ling.

I am aware I say things twenty thousand times a day and it seems like I am always on your case. I agree it takes the fun out of things a little and I am sorry, but just, GET DRESSED and get your hands out of your pants…and toilet…and we’ll be just fine.

Cheers guys.

The Pramshed
My Petit Canard
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15 Comments

  1. Sophie
    February 10, 2017 / 11:01 pm

    Hahaaa! This. Is. Me.

    If you include ‘get down! Get down from there!You’re going to fall! Lola stop! Get down…… 😩(Repeat x 293942028 times per day)

  2. February 11, 2017 / 9:09 am

    Haha this is so funny! #fortheloveofblog

  3. February 11, 2017 / 10:12 am

    LMAO at numbers 3 and 4! Oh the things we need to say as parents! You are a great mum and I’m sure your kids will not end up serving at Her Majesty’s pleasure. #fortheloveofBLOG

  4. February 11, 2017 / 4:08 pm

    Oh good I thought it was just me! I feel like I am constantly on my son’s case – he’s really well behaved fortunately but I think I’ve been a bit overly worried about what other people think of him and my parenting skills! Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG

  5. February 11, 2017 / 9:55 pm

    Lol. If they are not playing with theor bits, they have their fingers up their noses lol. I was always telling Booey off for fingers up the nose.
    #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. February 12, 2017 / 11:57 am

    Oh but I promise for all the nagging the benefits are incredible – think about those gorgeous young adults you will raise. Oh I did smile at the cupping of nether regions – hilarious!!! Oh but isn’t the repetition of nagging so draining – I feel your pain! #forthelovefBLOG

  7. February 12, 2017 / 3:10 pm

    Haha, this made me laugh. I can relate to some of these so utterly and completely right now. My daughter can use a spoon wonderfully and has from a young age. But why would she want to use her hands for her yoghurt when her hand can be used as a shovel?! (Only to them whinge because her hand is dirty. WTF? (Excuse my language)). She also now likes to lay down on the floor in shops when she doesn’t get her own way (and yesterday in a pub because I asked her not to crawl across the carpet towards it). Also, if we tells another stranger “H go wee-wee poo in da potty!” then I think I will cry…

    Glad to know that I’m not alone. Hope your belligerence pays off. Guess only time will tell for all of us! #fortheloveofBLOG

  8. February 13, 2017 / 9:15 am

    Oh my goodness yes! Stop hitting your sister, stop wrestling your sister, biting her toes…. i could do on!!! #RV&HT

  9. February 13, 2017 / 9:34 am

    Hahahaha I’m so pleased I’m not the only one! Especially the daughters obsession with trying to point at and touch my son’s willy. Looking in each others bums whilst in the bath is another popular one. Jesus the things you have to say out loud when shouting at your kids, ha!

  10. February 13, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    Ha! And yet the more we ask them to do something, the less likely they are to do it. I know that the Popple understands me when I tell her to go get her shoes or stop poking the cat, but she chooses to ignore me. Selective hearing, I guess, #marvmondays

  11. February 13, 2017 / 6:59 pm

    Ha ha this made me smile 😄. Don’t worry, this shall pass, and other niggles will appear, and they shall pass too. Your littlies are both very young, you can’t expect them to know, never mind respect, all of society’s edicts. Children will be children, and these small things are NOT a reflection of your parenting skills.
    #familyfun

  12. February 13, 2017 / 10:18 pm

    Hahaha this is brilliant. I was laughing all the way through. Whenever molly wears a skirt she pulls it up because she thinks flashing is funny! That will get you arrested when you’re older kiddo..!! We tend to stick to wearing trousers at the minute until this little phase has passed hahaha.
    #marvmondays

  13. February 14, 2017 / 3:07 pm

    Mine doesn’t have a sibling yet but he’s enough trouble on his own… oh and the willy thing? Why the obsession eh?! lol #RV&HT

  14. February 14, 2017 / 8:28 pm

    Haha this is funny, if only they realised you just want to bring them up to be balanced polite human beings x #RV&HT

  15. February 19, 2017 / 11:11 am

    Greg puts his hands down the toilet all of the time! I try so hard to stop it happening but he knows it’s bad and he thinks it’s the funniest thing on earth. Why do they do this?! He also absolutely will not sit on it!

    Thanks for linking up! #RV&HT