Discharged.

Discharged.

Today something happened, something unexpected, something amazing, something perfectly well-timed. Today my boy, my once poorly, weak and tiny baby boy was discharged from his pediatric consultant care.

I drove home, the same hideous 15 miles for the last time and it felt strange. It was euphoric but it was a quiet euphoria. I am not the emotional type, unless I am watching Grey’s Anatomy, but I felt strangely emotional. I almost, ALMOST, got watery eyed, OK, there may have been one tear, just one.

I was overcome with relief and memories of the last 19 months. The last 19 months have been littered with emotion. It has been a rollercoaster that I am glad to get off. We have felt every kind of emotion but the most common was always worry.

Toby in hospital

Oh, the worry;

..the worry over his inability to breathe. That he would stop breathing when he was at home, which he did, and that I didn’t have the oxygen masks or the skills I needed to make him breath again.

…the worry over his inability to feed and keep his milk down. The worry we would be back in hospital because he had been sick so many times he wasn’t gaining weight and wasn’t hydrated.

…the worry over his failure to thrive. The worry that he was under weight, loosing weight, not growing. The worry over how he would ever possibly grow.

…the worry over his failure to meet milestones. The worry that the fact he needed be resuscitated, intubated and was unable to breath at birth would have damaged his brain. An all too familiar story to me. 

…the worry that he was unwell. The worry over tests and their results. The worry that it would affect his quality of life.

the worry was exhausting.

The worry, is over.

Seeing that tick in the discharge box ended all the worry.

I was sad to say goodbye to the wonderful team of doctors and nurses who have cared for us, and I mean us. They care for the whole family. To the familiarity to a place we have spent so much of our time, but it was a welcome end to a very difficult chapter. It is closure and we are free to start a new chapter, without the bind of the unknown.

Before we do start our new chapter, I have one more thing to get off my chest. It occurred to me that we get a cold and we bitch and moan. I am no different,  I have a post waiting on my gripes of the flu season. My boy had an impossible start to life. He had to fight everyday for months and months to get to where he is today. He must have felt so utterly awful at times. So weak and helpless. Yet he did it, he got through and thankfully he will never remember. I have spoken about how difficult I have found it, but it is nothing compared to the difficulties he faced. He was the one doing all the work and he is the one who was strong enough to get himself to be the cheeky, loud, busy, funny and gorgeous little boy he is today.

I could not be prouder of my boy and right now I feel like the luckiest mum in the world.

Here’s to you Tobias.

Toby

Diary of an imperfect mum
The Pramshed
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37 Comments

  1. February 7, 2017 / 7:35 pm

    I’m so, so happy for you and your little boy. He’s stronger than you ever knew he could be, and he’s only going to keep getting stronger from here. I think you deserve a glass of champagne to celebrate!

    • Tammymum
      February 7, 2017 / 7:40 pm

      Thank you! If ever there is a reason for champers this is it! X

  2. February 7, 2017 / 9:12 pm

    Omg Hun this made me stop, I’m sorry I don’t get across your blog all the time – this made me emotional. So glad he’s discharged and you can leave the roller coaster behind, what an emotional journey and one that I’m sure will carry through in his character – a fighter, survivor and strong x

  3. February 8, 2017 / 6:41 am

    Hurray, Tobias! That’s fantastic news! My daughter also had a very difficult start, but they fight, as you say. I am so pleased for you all and I hope that this next chapter is filled with much happier times :) #FamilyFun

  4. February 8, 2017 / 7:05 am

    So happy for him and whole Family- Its celebration time but its a nightmare to imagine the trauma you all have gone through. Sarah, I can understand how diff it is for Parents to see their Kids struggling with health. Power to him. A tough guy. #familyfun

  5. February 8, 2017 / 7:20 am

    What fantastic news. Having had 2 prems I know how much worry there is. Well done Tobias! #familyfun

  6. February 8, 2017 / 8:12 am

    I can’t even imagine! But look what you’ve done, he’s a strong, handsome little boy now! Congratulations! x #familyfun

  7. February 8, 2017 / 9:27 am

    Congratulations what a fighter #familyfun

  8. February 8, 2017 / 9:36 am

    So happy for all of you. Having a “poorly” child myself I know how good it feels when finally all the worry is over. He is a beautiful boy and he will continue to make you proud x
    #FamilyFun

  9. February 8, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    This is awesome – it must be a massive relief :)

    #familyfun

  10. February 8, 2017 / 12:58 pm

    Well done Tobias, what a trooper. I can’t imagine what you have all been through. The relief must be overwhelming in itself! My father in law was moaning about his hip the other day and said he thinks he needs a hip op!! Get a grip is what I actually wanted to say! Enjoy the rest of your year together. #FamilyFun

  11. February 8, 2017 / 1:14 pm

    This is just the most wonderful post! I can imagine your relief too and this sentence was just wonderful – “The worry, is over.” My son was under GOS for two years and the relief when we were discharged was amazing though I did feel a little scared too – not sure why – maybe just the enormous responsibility of being a parent struck me. I am so thrilled for you and for Tobias – you can go forward and enjoy life now – and what more is there than that?! #FamilyFun

  12. February 8, 2017 / 2:36 pm

    What brilliant news – congratulations! It must be such a relief x #familyfunlinky

  13. February 8, 2017 / 2:48 pm

    Look at him! One of our twins had apnea and it was scary as f**k.

    You would never know it now that she is the Wild Woman of Borneo!

    #familyfun

  14. February 8, 2017 / 4:44 pm

    Yay! Go Tobias! I can only imagine the worry and the rollercoaster of emotions that was for you all. So good you are off now! #familyfun

  15. February 8, 2017 / 5:09 pm

    Yay! I can’t begin to imagine what a hard start and terribly scary time you all went through, but I am genuinely so happy for you, must be a wonderful wonderful feeling. It never stops to amaze me how strong and resilient our little ones are x #familyfun

  16. February 8, 2017 / 5:12 pm

    Oh what wonderful news. I may have shed a little tear for you hun. Our kids are amazing, so strong, they teach us so much! #FamilyFun

    • February 10, 2017 / 12:20 pm

      Popping back to say thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

  17. February 8, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    Amazinf news! I bet you must be so relieved. He’s a gorgeous little boy xx
    #familyfun

  18. February 8, 2017 / 10:09 pm

    Awww such amazing news. My younger brother was premature and really really ill for a few years so I know the relief when you get the all clear. I actually shed a little tear for you while reading this. Our kids are so strong aren’t they, we really shouldn’t complain as much when we have a simple cold. X
    #FamilyFunLinky

  19. February 9, 2017 / 6:31 am

    This is fantastic news! What a little fighter. It really does put all theses colds we’ve been experiencing into perspective x
    #FamilyFun

  20. February 9, 2017 / 9:08 am

    That’s lovely news! Well done and all the best #ablogginggoodtime

  21. February 9, 2017 / 9:40 am

    Oh that’s amazing news and a lovely start to the new year for you all. And what a gorgeous little boy he is! #familyfun

  22. February 9, 2017 / 10:54 am

    What a super cool and strong little lad. Congratulations on getting through a very hard time, here’s to happy happy ones! #FamilyFun

  23. February 9, 2017 / 11:12 am

    Wow, this is such wonderful news! I’m amazed you didn’t cry – I’m almost crying just reading this post. The strength your son must have his amazing. But the strength you have too, for caring for her and being there for him – and your daughter – through it all is so impressive. I hope you can all enjoy life even more now! I hope you all had a big slab of cake to celebrate… #FamilyFun

  24. February 9, 2017 / 12:36 pm

    I am so happy for you all. Your little man is such a trooper and I am do glad he has the all clear! yayyyyy #familyfun

  25. February 9, 2017 / 5:37 pm

    I’m so happy for you and your family. I couldn’t imagine living with all that worry on my shoulders. It must be such a relief to feel that worry be lifted. I can almost feel it float away. #ablogginggoodtime

  26. February 9, 2017 / 6:11 pm

    Oh well done to Tobias and you all! A lovely post that made me shed a happy tear.
    #familyfun

  27. February 9, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    A very heart-warming post

    I’m glad everything is look good for both of you.

  28. February 9, 2017 / 9:21 pm

    Oh that is such wonderful news, can sense your obvious euphoria. He has come such a long way and it must be so wonderful to know that he is fit and well. A beautiful pic of you both too. #familyfun

  29. February 10, 2017 / 5:42 am

    Ah that’s such good news – well done Tobia – and you! You write so honestly about the pain and helplessness you felt in his early days – a very emotional post. #familyfun

  30. February 10, 2017 / 10:00 am

    So pleased for you all, he looks such a beautiful little boy. xx

    Mainy

    #FamilyFunLinky

  31. February 10, 2017 / 4:15 pm

    Worry is something we parents experience naturally. It’s great to see that he is thriving now and fighting fit. #familyfun

  32. February 11, 2017 / 10:48 am

    Wow thats great news. He’s a gorgeous boy #thatfridaylinky

  33. February 12, 2017 / 12:11 pm

    That’s amazing news – congratulations! What a relief for you all. I expect you will feel a bit all over the place for a while as you process what you have been through as a family. Make sure you are kind to yourself xx Thanks for joining us on #fortheloveofBLOG

  34. February 13, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    congratulations! That is fantastic news!!! All the very best to your future, and what a strong little boy he is!! #fortheloveofBLOG