**Warning this post contains lots of reference to wee and poo.
Not going to lie, with two in nappies I have been eagerly awaiting the day that this number halves, but at just turned two it was always going to be hit or miss as to when it was going to be. I did take it upon myself to let the eldest decide herself when she wanted to ditch the nappies. The idea of rendering ourselves house bound for days on end putting her on the toilet every 20 minutes didn’t sit right, but then perhaps I am just lazy and the thought of confining ourselves to four wall, wee and poo filled me with dread.
So I left it to her, and she didn’t exactly fill me with confidence that it would be anytime soon. If she didn’t have a nappy on she would literally hold her wee in until she was nappy’d back up again. Then out of no where one afternoon she refused to have her nappy on and would only wee on the potty. HALLE-FRICKING-LUJAH. It was like Christmas, just 3 weeks early, or so I thought… so here are a few tales of potty training woe…lucky you…
1. The Royal Behind. Miss ‘I will only wee on a potty. Do not make me sit on a toilet seat where the commoners sit, how very uncouth’. Yep my darling daughter flat-out refused to sit on a toilet for the first few weeks of potty training. Cue mad trip to Argos whilst in town to buy a travel potty so the little one could relieve herself. I then had to carry round a bright flaming yellow travel potty everywhere we went. There was no hiding what it was, and it wasn’t overly ‘travel’ friendly if you ask me.
2. Have no shame. Whilst my daughter may be picky where she places her behind she certainly is not picky where she chooses to do her business. Only recently we were visiting family in Bristol and she had no shame in dropping her draws and taking a massive shit on the potty in the living room whilst everyone sat around talking. Delightful. She will also wee on the travel potty in the boot of the car, side of the road, wherever and whenever nature calls.
3. How much she wees. Now I had some idea as she was prone to rather wet nappies but my goodness the girl can wee. I must do my 10,000 steps each day in trips to the toilet alone with her.
4. The smarts. This girl never fails to amaze me with her intelligence. It took all of two days to realise ‘mummy I need a wee’ could be used to her advantage. 6am its screams of ‘MUMMY I NEED A WEE’ you guessed it just before I put her into bed, despite having already had a wee ‘mummy I need a wee wee’. She doesn’t need a wee and she has a nappy on but what do you do? Start the mother of all contradictions and tell her she can wee in nappy – oh the confusion.
5. The rushing. You can be anywhere, the middle of the food shop, the middle Greggs, the middle of no where and those 5 words strike again, ‘mummy I need a wee’. Whatever you are doing you have down tools and flee to the nearest toilet or semi safe place for your child to bare her bum. Just today I had a trolley full shopping only to have to abandon it by the checkout and whisk her off quick sharp.
6. The middle-y bit. Once again in my naivety I craved for the potty training days, to say goodbye to the nappies and my daughter skip off to the toilet to do her business. Well it aint nothing like that. As with all new skills these little humans learn it doesn’t just change overnight. There is that weird middle part, the grey area of honing in that skill. Allow me to indulge a little more on this;
Weaning for example, you wake up full off excitement at feeding that first spoonful of mush, thinking BAM this is eat, three meals a day from now on and hello sleeping through the night. Only to realise the next six months is actually a never-ending cycle of food, milk, food, milk, food, milk, which has zero impact on your babies ability to sleep through the night.
Walking, wahoo, they’re on their feet. They can get themselves places without being attached to your hip and breaking your back. They’ll be holding your hand walking to the shops, running in the back garden, chasing their siblings. Nope in actual fact it will be months of stumbling, falling over, bumps, bruises, moans, some weird John Wayne style walking and when they’re not doing that – you guessed it they’re in your arms.
So it stands to reason that potty training would have its own weird annoying middle-y bit. It is filled with incessant ‘do you need a wee?’, emptying shit out of a potty – which let me tell you is no fun whatsoever. Cleaning said potty, wiping bums, pulling down pants, pulling up pants, accompanying the toddler to toilets.
Despite my whingeing we have been incredibly lucky with how well and quick the potty training saga went, it literally took about 3 days until she was dry and admittedly 3 weeks until she would actually use the toilet over the potty. I think it largely comes down to the fact she was ready and she choose when to do it, I’ve learnt the hard way, there’s no making that girl do something she don’t wanna do. I am not saying that will work forever but it did for us, and thank god. One down one to go.
What about you? Have you got any tales of woe? Words of wisdom? Are you about to embark on potty training, I’d love to hear from you.