I have just celebrated my birthday. I used to love me a birthday and would milk it for a good couple of weeks. Nowadays things have subdued somewhat. Birthdays aren’t what they once were. I know I am getting older, perhaps it is part and parcel of it, but I do still look forward to and enjoy a birthday. I have had a nice birthday day though. My Nan visited, we ate cake, we ate Nandos, I took the kids to Drayton Manor with my brummie bestie. Seriously even my birthday isn’t about me anymore, but about my kids – but that really is OK. Also there is definitely merit in happy babies happy kids. What is more, it isn’t over as Mr Tammy and I have a nice day planned in Birmingham to celebrate – when we have childcare.
Things have come a long way since my birthday last year. It has been a long year, a hard one, I have felt the passage of this year more than any other, and it shows. The lines around my eyes are a littler deeper and the circles under my eyes a little darker, make up is now worn out of necessity. Some days the spring in my step feels a little flat and the smile a little forced, when the trappings of being a stay at home mum feels stifling.
The past 12 months have seen us spending hours in the children’s ward, consultants office, countless hours awake throughout the night, every night, endless cycles of washing from never-ending reflux. Big life decisions have been made, which have taken their toll and the jury is still out as to whether the right decisions were made. There have tantrums (boy have there been tantrums), tears and the odd argument or two. It has indeed been a long year.
I am painting a bleak picture of my year. It hasn’t been all bad. We have carried on living our lives through this year, we were lucky enough to spend a month abroad, despite the youngest medical needs. My beautiful baby girl turned two, my gorgeous son celebrated his first birthday and is doing so much better, for which I am eternally grateful for.
I will take a lot from this year. I certainly feel older and for a change, wiser. I have learnt a lot about myself, some of it good, some of it not so great. I am not perfect but I am stronger than I thought – and can survive on 3 hours sleep. I am also incredibly lucky to have two healthy beautiful babies and a considerate and caring step daughter all of whom have softened my once hard edges – and I am not just talking about my hips. I also know what I have with Mr Tammy, it is special and something to hold on tight to. The last year has taught me all of this and opened my eyes to it, even if I don’t always show it.
I didn’t know where it was going to take me when I decided to write about my birthday. I think I needed to get these words out of my head and put them into something that made sense. This is part of blogging this is why we love it so, why we find it cathartic and therapeutic. So please forgive my self indulgent post.
Here is to the next year, we have so much to look forward to and as ever we will keep on living through the good and the bad, and hopefully getting a littler wiser as we get a littler older. If the first two days of my next year are anything to go by then it really is going to be a brilliant year….
Have you recently celebrated a birthday? Have you felt the passing year? Has it been a good one?