Another year older.

Another year older.

I have just celebrated my birthday. I used to love me a birthday and would milk it for a good couple of weeks. Nowadays things have subdued somewhat. Birthdays aren’t what they once were. I know I am getting older, perhaps it is part and parcel of it, but I do still look forward to and enjoy a birthday. I have had a nice birthday day though. My Nan visited, we ate cake, we ate Nandos, I took the kids to Drayton Manor with my brummie bestie. Seriously even my birthday isn’t about me anymore, but about my kids – but that really is OK. Also there is definitely merit in happy babies happy kids. What is more, it isn’t over as Mr Tammy and I have a nice day planned in Birmingham to celebrate – when we have childcare.

Me and Toby on my birthday at Drayton Mannor

zara enjoying the ridezara at drayton manor
Things have come a long way since my birthday last year. It has been a long year, a hard one, I have felt the passage of this year more than any other, and it shows. The lines around my eyes are a littler deeper and the circles under my eyes a little darker, make up is now worn out of necessity. Some days the spring in my step feels a little flat and the smile a little forced, when the trappings of being a stay at home mum feels stifling.

The past 12 months have seen us spending hours in the children’s ward, consultants office, countless hours awake throughout the night, every night, endless cycles of washing from never-ending reflux. Big life decisions have been made, which have taken their toll and the jury is still out as to whether the right decisions were made. There have tantrums (boy have there been tantrums), tears and the odd argument or two. It has indeed been a long year.

I am painting a bleak picture of my year. It hasn’t been all bad. We have carried on living our lives through this year, we were lucky enough to spend a month abroad, despite the youngest medical needs. My beautiful baby girl turned two, my gorgeous son celebrated his first birthday and is doing so much better, for which I am eternally grateful for.

me and the kids at drayton manor
I will take a lot from this year. I certainly feel older and for a change, wiser. I have learnt a lot about myself, some of it good, some of it not so great. I am not perfect but I am stronger than I thought – and can survive on 3 hours sleep. I am also incredibly lucky to have two healthy beautiful babies and a considerate and caring step daughter all of whom have softened my once hard edges – and I am not just talking about my hips. I also know what I have with Mr Tammy, it is special and something to hold on tight to. The last year has taught me all of this and opened my eyes to it, even if I don’t always show it.

me and mr tammy
I didn’t know where it was going to take me when I decided to write about my birthday. I think I needed to get these words out of my head and put them into something that made sense. This is part of blogging this is why we love it so, why we find it cathartic and therapeutic. So please forgive my self indulgent post.

Here is to the next year, we have so much to look forward to and as ever we will keep on living through the good and the bad, and hopefully getting a littler wiser as we get a littler older. If the first two days of my next year are anything to go by then it really is going to be a brilliant year….

Have you recently celebrated a birthday? Have you felt the passing year? Has it been a good one?

birthday plaque,

Aaaah my fabulously apt birthday present!

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18 Comments

  1. September 17, 2016 / 9:55 pm

    One year ago I was struggling to walk. Once I got back to walking it took three months before I could even manage a short drive. It took a year to be able to push my son’s wheelchair again. It has been a tough year but I am doing better than I might have. #KCACOLS

  2. September 17, 2016 / 11:45 pm

    Sounds like you have had an eventful year. A year ago I was not blogging and that seems to be a lifetime ago. The photos are lovely! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  3. Savannah
    September 18, 2016 / 3:42 am

    It truly is amazing how much can happen in a year. It sounds like you and your family have been through some real struggles. Not only are you stronger, and wiser, but your bond is just that much stronger. I wish you a very happy birthday, and hope you and the Mr. are able to get away real soon. Thanks for sharing <3 #KCACOLS

  4. September 18, 2016 / 9:28 am

    My year has been horrid, I cannot wait for 2016 to be over. Life can be pants at times, but we come through it and the things that really matter are highlighted. Happy birthday and here’s to a great year for you x
    #KCACOLS

  5. September 18, 2016 / 10:39 am

    This year has been one of extremes for me but that’s life and it makes us appreciate the good times even more! :-) Looks like a lovely day #KCACOLS

  6. September 18, 2016 / 12:17 pm

    Oh I can relate to this. I have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with 2 children and medical issues (that must have been so tough!) but birthdays don’t hold the appeal they used to. This year mine involved sitting in traffic jams, temper tantrums over lunch and then complete meltdown in the shops. I was happy to go to bed that night. Good luck for your next year!

  7. September 18, 2016 / 1:02 pm

    I just turned 34 this year and I swear I look ten years older all of the sudden….not long ago I could hop on the treadmill and jog slowly for a week, maybe cut the carbs down and lose ten pounds….not my hair is graying and my hips are rounding and my skin is starting to look a bit worn.

    Then again this could all be due to the four daughters than I now have….they seem to be exacerbating the ageing process.

    #KCACOLS

  8. September 18, 2016 / 6:47 pm

    Some years really do take their toll on us, it’s funny when I look back on my past birthdays and think how carefree I was back then and now there are all sorts of worries and responsibilities. I hope that this coming year is easier for you. #KCACOLS

  9. September 18, 2016 / 11:54 pm

    Happy birthday!
    I don’t really notice my birthday if I’m honest. I don’t think I care too much really. We just do small things me and the husband and the kids. A nice family thing – which is good enough for me. 😀
    Though I must admit that I sometimes do wish I had a larger group to connect to when your hitting the big numbers and your Facebook is shoved full of surprise vacations and parties and what not with 40 people. haha

    #kcacols

  10. September 19, 2016 / 7:51 am

    Happy Birthday! It sounds like quite a hectic year, I hope this one is easier for you. I literally did nothing for my birthday this year, I’ve kinda given up as mine’s the last of our birthdays and rather close to my youngest & my brothers birthdays so I focus on them instead. #KCACOLS

  11. Nige
    September 19, 2016 / 8:46 am

    Life can be tough but I believe it levels out with good times fab photos #bigpinklink

  12. September 19, 2016 / 2:36 pm

    Happy birthday! It sounds like a crazy year, and your children are even closer in age than mine and that is saying something. Well done for getting to this point – it will get easier I promise! I hope this year is brilliant for you. I personally don’t like my birthday. I haven’t for a good number of years. My husband and my mum always want to make a fuss, but really I wish they wouldn’t. I hate people feeling like they have to buy me presents, or do something special for me, and the older I get the more uncomfortable I get with people spending money on me. I can’t really explain it! #KCACOLS

  13. September 19, 2016 / 8:56 pm

    I definitely feel like birthdays are not the same anymore, and I’m getting older and really feeling it too. My kids are also the central focus at any birthday, but I don’t mind too much. Well! Sort of! 😉 Sounds as if you’ve had a heck of a year, you still look fabulous though! Thanks for sharing this with us on the #bigpinklink

  14. September 19, 2016 / 10:16 pm

    Firstly, a big happy belated birthday! And secondly, what a year you’ve had! I’m sorry to hear about the youngest’s health problems but glad to hear he’s doing so much better. I can relate to your post though because every year since having the girls I feel older. And yes, everyone’s birthday is done around the toddler now! #KCACOLS

  15. September 20, 2016 / 1:39 pm

    Happy birthday! I can so relate to the reflux, my youngest daughter spent the first year of her life in and out of hospital suffering massively, we literally lived in the childrens ward month after month and by the time she was 3 months old I was already pregnant with her brother. What a year that was! There are 12 months between baby four and five, and fifteen months between baby three and four so I know all about age gaps, I sympathise! #KCACOLS

  16. September 20, 2016 / 8:01 pm

    Happy birthday! Sounds like you had a long year, so here’s to an easier time this year! x #KCACOLS

  17. September 24, 2016 / 12:44 am

    Happy belated, and for what its worth I think you look gorgeous, even if you do feel tired beyond your years. I always say to myself when we have particularly tough times, that you have to get through the sour, to appreciate the sweet (I dont even know where that came from but it always pops up in my head!). Heres to a better year for you all next year. Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  18. September 24, 2016 / 2:27 pm

    Sound s like a mad year! Huge {late} happy birthday to you lovely. Love the present :) The quote is great haha.
    #MarvMondays