#whatwouldyoudo? Holidaying without your kids. To leave or not leave?

#whatwouldyoudo? Holidaying without your kids. To leave or not leave?

Readers of the blog will know that we like a holiday. It is a hobby of ours. Holidays have always been something we have and will save for and spend on. For some, its gadgets, shoes, or fine dining, us it is definitely breaks away. Even with our two year old and one year old we have battled through flights, airports and the breaks in routine to maintain our love of the getaway.

It is fair to say however that holidays are not what they once were. I have moaned about it in previous posts. Morned the loss of the relaxing break in the sun supping cocktails and lazing about all day, doing what we want when we want to. There is definitely merit in the saying holidays are now ‘the same shit different location’. Holidays are not holidays anymore. You’re little people come first. Obviously. They don’t like the beach. They don’t like to just sit. They don’t like to watch you enjoy a cocktail or a warm dinner. Their wants and needs don’t stop just because we decide we want a break.

enjoying nibbles and champagne. Holidaying without kids

Aaaah, enjoying leisurely nibbles and champagne in Italy pre babies.

Don’t get me wrong, its not all bad. I have been lucky enough to enjoy some fabulous holidays with my family and revel in watching my children enjoy themselves and seeing and exploring new things and meeting new people. I also know as my children get older holidays will start to resemble just that.

Currently though we are midst toddler/baby takeover and it feels a long way off. I know Mr Tammy desperately mourns the loss of the adult holiday and it has got me thinking about the possibility of an child free holiday. This is of course in that ideal world where we would have the option to take a child free holiday.

I will start by saying whatever your opinion, then it is respected. Whether you do agree with going on holiday without your children or not that is your choice.

This mama does not do judgment.

So I was thinking how amazing it would be to have a few days in the sun without the constant demand of parenthood. Without having dedicate your every waking (and sometimes sleeping) minute to ensuring your little ones are happy, fed, entertained, protected from the sun, have clean nappies. Instead, to get up at a time of your choosing. Laze around in the day, shower without an audience, eat when you want, where you want and without being covered in the food you have desperately been trying to get down your toddler. To actually sit for more than just nap time, to go to the beach and to walk around without a buggy or slow moving toddler who refuses to go in said buggy. To do what you want when you want without feeling guilty.

Zara and I on the merry-go-round. Holiday with kids

Zara and I on the merry-go-round for the seventeenth hundred time. On our most recent getaway.

Yet that is the problem isn’t it. If you were to embark on a mini break without your little ones you most likely would feel guilty. I feel guilty needing a day to myself at home, let alone leaving them to swan off for some self indulgent me time, to enjoy myself without them.

It also bothers me that a whole day of my children’s life would go by without me seeing them. As I write this I know that sounds a little pathetic but I can’t help but be bothered by it. I have been with my children everyday of their lives and to not be with them for a few continuous days makes me feel anxious.

What’s more is they don’t know where we are or that we are coming back. My children are one and two so they do not have concept of time. They will without doubt miss us and they cannot understand that at such a young age. FaceTime only goes so far. It goes without saying I would miss them too. In fact I don’t think there are words that could do justice to the ache of not seeing them.What if something were to happen to them whilst I wasn’t there? It does not bare thinking about. The agonising wait to get to them would be horrendous.

The pull of a child free few days is strong, make no mistake. I long for that time. At least I think I do. The thought of actually boarding a flight and being in a different country scares the bejeezus out of me. The reality of actually embarking on said holiday fills me with fear. So much so I don’t know if I could do it.

So over to you. What would you do? Do I need to put my big girl pants on and get over myself? After all my kids are so young they won’t even remember we ever went. Should I just go forth and holiday and be enjoy it guilt free, or at least as guilt free as possible? Or is that niggling feeling of trepidation telling me all I need to know. Is that worry my answer? As always I don’t know. So I’m looking to you – what would you do?

Cuddle Fairy
Diary of an imperfect mum
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24 Comments

  1. Felicity
    August 21, 2016 / 7:36 am

    We went on honeymoon to Iceland for 5 days without our eldest when it was the three of us (she was 5 months old). I don’t think I could ever leave them for more than a night again. Especially now our eldest has more understanding. Maybe in a few more years when they both have full understanding (and hopefully a willingness for an extended sleepover at grandmas!)

    • tammymum
      August 21, 2016 / 7:41 am

      Haha yes that’s a good point. Perhaps more understanding is the key? It’s a hard one isn’t it I don’t for a second think there is anything wrong with going on holiday without them. Part of me wants to. It’s just I don’t know if the reality would be all it’s cracked up to be? And honeymoon if there’s ever a time to have some alone time – that has got to be it! Xx

  2. August 22, 2016 / 11:13 am

    Right, my view for what it is worth is make sure throughout the year you get some weekend breaks in just you and the hubby – just a couple of nights of pure bliss can make such a huge difference – drop the kids over to me – sorted! #BigPinkLink

    • tammymum
      August 23, 2016 / 6:05 pm

      Oh that is such good advice Helen! We definitely need to embark on a night or two away! I’ll drop the kids of Friday yeah? Hehe xx

  3. August 22, 2016 / 11:41 am

    We love going on holidays too but it is definitely much harder with the kids. We definitlely have plans to resume our kind of holidays when the kids have flown the nest. I had to leave my kids once for a work trip and I WORRIED about them all the time I was away. So if I were to have a holiday, I would be worrying and feeling guilty, so I don’t think I could do it. But that’s just me, a big worrier. I think it will do a couple a world of good to have a mini childfree break. Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

  4. August 24, 2016 / 7:28 pm

    Oh goodness don’t ask me!!! Hubby and I have never left the kids for a weekend. We have had separate weekends away and I have been to the UK for family emergency trips where the kids could;t come but that is it! It makes things harder with the big lad having autism. When he was longer we could not leave him with anyone else other than grandparents and then not overnight. Good look finding your mum pants, I’m still looking for mine. #BloggerClubUK

    • tammymum
      August 24, 2016 / 8:20 pm

      Yes I can imagine his autism would make it much harder to leave them over night or two. I don’t know the answer maybe you don’t know until you try, I can’t imagine actually leaving them, but a few days alone time with the OH to be adults again does sound appealing.. Of in search of my mum pants, thanks for your comment lovey xx

  5. August 25, 2016 / 2:43 pm

    We used to love holidays too. We used to either go somewhere a bit off the beaten track for a bit of adventure, or we’d do a lazy beach holiday – neither of which are easy with a 21 month old! The idea of a beach holiday at the moment is so appealing, but there’s no way I could leave my little girl for a whole week. I’d miss her so much and I’d also feel guilty enjoying myself without her. Our holidays now are focused around what she’d like and I love seeing her happy and having a good time, so I can enjoy my holidays through her.

  6. August 25, 2016 / 6:50 pm

    Like you say it, although you long for the types of holidays that you used to have, you’d end up just spending all of your time missing your kids! Mine are too little at the moment to be left, I just couldn’t do it, plus they are way too needy and I don’t know anyone who would take them in! I envisage a time in the future I might be able to go out for the evening , holidays without kids seem like they’re in another universe! #SharingtheBlogLove

  7. August 25, 2016 / 6:51 pm

    Like you say it, although you long for the types of holidays that you used to have, you’d end up just spending all of your time missing your kids! Mine are too little at the moment to be left, I just couldn’t do it, plus they are way too needy and I don’t know anyone who would take them in! I envisage a time in the future I might be able to go out for the evening , holidays without kids seem like they’re in another universe! #ablogginggoodtime

  8. August 25, 2016 / 9:52 pm

    I’ve had two nights away from my kids in London and in Edinburgh but never abroad. I think I would though, maybe not for a full week but for a few days. We all need a break sometimes x #BloggerClubUK

    • tammymum
      August 26, 2016 / 5:21 am

      Amen to that! Thanks for your comment xx

  9. August 26, 2016 / 10:08 am

    When our eldest was about 18 months old, we went skiing as a couple. It was amazing, a log cabin, frozen lake, husky safari, the works. My little one had a great time with granny and grandad at our house and was totally spoilt and well looked after. She of course, has NO recollection of being abandoned and we got to have a much needed bit of time alone as grownups! I say go for it!
    #BloggerClubUK

  10. August 26, 2016 / 3:44 pm

    I don’t think you should feel guilty for wanting a little break for yourselves. I know parents who have happily done this and come back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world of parenting again with new energy under their wings. In theory, I would love to do this. But in reality, I know I wouldn’t be able to go with my little lady. Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam. It’s definitely food for thought.

  11. August 27, 2016 / 4:11 pm

    I’m so the wrong person to help you out… My husband and I have never been away from the kids even for one nigh. Obviously we have had nights out together (very few) but always came back home to sleep. I really don’t think the kids would mind or remember like you say, i think its more about us. The guilt is self inflicted for some reason. If you are going to go though leave the guilt behind and fully enjoy it. #DreamTeam

  12. August 27, 2016 / 10:24 pm

    We have holidayed without Archie (abroad) twice in the last four years (each time for 3 nights) and it was bloody brilliant!! I did feel guilty at first (I spent the whole night before and journey to the airport crying) but, for me, that feeling was far outweighed by the enjoyment and opportunity to recharge. It was also great for me and the hubby and I honestly believe we returned better parents – life is tough and you don’t realise how beneficial it is to jump off the hamster wheel until you’ve made the leap. Archie never missed us at all…he had way to much fun with Nanny and co. and when we Facetimed he was far more interested in playing with his toys! Obv every couple / family is different, but for us it was abs brilliant! #ablogginggoodtime

  13. August 28, 2016 / 6:50 am

    This is a tough one, but I think that we all deserve some child free time without feeling guilty. Even if it’s just a night away, we all need to recharge and unwind, and focus on ourselves. I would feel like you worried about not seeing my child and feeling the guilt. It’s a tricky one. Claire x #bigpinklink

  14. August 29, 2016 / 11:52 am

    Ah I can totally understand how your stance on this one! I dream about a relaxing holiday, being able to stay out late drinking cocktails, having lie ins and actually getting to start a book – never mind finish one! I just know I wouldn’t be able to do it, I’ll have to carry on dreaming, haha!

    #MarvMondays

  15. August 29, 2016 / 4:15 pm

    I’m all for holidays without kids to let parents relax for a bit! We’ve recently been talking about doing the same next year. For us it comes down to 1 problem though – our daughter is 5 and at school and if we go term time we won’t have anyone near enough to take he to school. We could go in the school hols but then feel mean that we wouldn’t have enough holiday to take her away as well! #marvmondays

  16. August 30, 2016 / 8:04 am

    We have a UK-based mini break twice a year child-free but I couldn’t go abroad – it just seems too far away. Recently I was asked to review a spa in Bali but turned it down because I just couldn’t face going half way across the world and leaving the kids behind. Friends looked at me like I was mad but it was the right decision for me – it just didn’t feel right #marvmondays

  17. August 31, 2016 / 3:38 pm

    The longest I have been without my girls is 2 days but my eldest was 7 days this year because she went away on holiday with her Dad. it was really strange but i knew she was enjoying herself. It was weird not even having a phone call off her though. I was gutted but it’s been and gone now.
    I don’t think I could go for a long holiday without my kids.
    #MarvMondays

  18. August 31, 2016 / 10:06 pm

    Interesting post hun – I think you need to do what you need to do for you as individuals and as a couple. Sometimes couple time is still needed because you are still adults and as long as your babies understand then go for it!
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime #triballove

  19. September 4, 2016 / 3:37 pm

    I couldn’t do it. I could barely leave my children for an evening, let alone for a break and as you said, I think the guilt would be too much plus I’d miss them like crazy. Though I know holidays will forever be different, I like to think of the positives of seeing the kids enjoy themselves and experience new things. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo