Socially unacceptable parenting?

Wine glass and Childs toy

Parenting really is a funny thing. Iv been thinking about it alot recently. It is a part of life for everyone, whether you are the parent or have of course been parented. There is a huge spectrum of parenthood and how everyone approaches the challenge. Make no mistake, it is a challenge.

Parenting blogs are a great example of how we deal with said challenge. There are the funny ones, laughing at the hard times. There are those who power through the difficulties by lovingly sharing their experiences. Then there are those who exude positivity. They are all fabulous blogs In their own right and after all variety is the spice of life eh.

Im not sure where I fall. My blog isnt solely funnies of shit hitting the fan, although it does, often. It isn’t just the loving mushy posts either, my kids are too annoying to be mushy all the time. Perhaps it is somewhere inbetween. A diary of the good and bad.

What I do know is I started my blog with a vow of honesty, and wrote posts such as The Other Side of Being Mum, which was an honest description of a particularly bad day and The Alternate Mummy Awards, documenting some epic #mumfails. Yet along the way somewhere I think I have started to get lost. I have surcome to the pressure of picture perfect parenting. I have started to give myself a hard time over things I perhaps wouldn’t have a few months back, it is what inspired my recent post Tomorrow I’ll Do Better. Fortunately many like minded bloggers came to my aid in reassuring me I was just being unduly hard on myself.

Ironically I am sat writing this post on my holiday veranda in the afternoon with the sun on my face and a nice cold suavigan blanc to hand, whilst my Nan and Co have taken my kiddies out for a few hours.

So here’s the issue with that last sentence. I am on holiday with my children yet I am revelling in a few hours alone time to do something I want. Not walk around the amusements for hours so the two year old can press buttons, or go round and round on the carousel or walk slowler than a snail as she pushes her toy pram everywhere. Out loud is this socially un-acceptable parenting? I have after all, declined to go out with the family to make sodding memories, I am drinking in the afternoon, alone, and I’m loving it. I am wincing as I type this because I know I am opening myself up to trolls from supermum and her kin.

Zara pushing toy pram

 

So if you’re reading supermum and you didn’t like that perhaps this isn’t for you because this isn’t the first time I have dabbled in socially un-acceptable parenting.

I have been hungover more times than I care to remember.

I look forward to the day that Nanny and Grandad take the kids out for the whole day  and I can do what I want when I want. Sometimes it even gets me through the bad days.

I look forward to bedtime. Especially during the witching hour.

I miss the freedom of child free life. The ease of getting in a car solo, the eating when you want, the going home when you want, the GUILT FREE state of being.

I miss holidays where I sunbathed, drank cocktails and went to bed late.

I miss eating in nice places. Well actually I miss eating for pleasure not necessity. Now eating out with two small ones can be such a fucking pain in the arse I’d rather not do it. Or at best go to your local, cheap, microwaved family friendly establishment.

I have called both my kids at some point, ‘a nightmare,’ ‘a knob’ and have moaned that they are ‘doing my head in’.

I have put the pillow over my head when being woken up for the umpteenth time and hoped they would just go back to sleep.

I have dispared and barked at Mr Tammy that ‘I am going back to fucking work cause I can’t put up with this shit all day’ when the constant screams, tantrums and calls for muuuummmmyyyy, when  the toddler doesn’t actually want anything get too much.

I miss not worrying about my pelvic floor and my pre child figure.

I could no doubt go on. 

Me in holiday drinking beer

The most beautiful holiday Mr Tammy and I had pre kids (obvs) to Skiathos. Lazy sunny days with gorgeous Greek nights, with fancy food and beautiful scenery.

There you have it a list of what I am quite sure is socially very un-acceptable parenting. Am I worried about hitting the publish button? Yes of course. I know this isn’t the sort of thing we say out loud. I would try to soften the blow by telling you how much I love my kids and how despite the trials and tribulations I still do the best by them. But really I shouldn’t have to. I know, and my kids know just how loved and cherished they are. I know that dispite my rant I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s all that really matters. Not what someone who knows very little about me and my family sat behind a screen thinks.  It goes without saying that we all love our children, we would do anything in this world to protect them and to ensure they are happy and healthy. What doesn’t go without saying is the above. When parenting isn’t all Pinterest perfect or Facebook friendly and sometimes it just bloody isn’t. Even for super fucking mum.

Zara and Toby crying

So there you go a dip back into the honesty in which I started out. Eeek. At this point I normally ask for your opinion or  an antidote that the post may have reminded you of. If however you just want to tell me that I am a bad person or horrible mother you can kindly keep your opinions and antidotes to yourself on this occasion. Thanks.

Cuddle Fairy

 

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48 Comments

  1. Hayley
    August 10, 2016 / 11:15 am

    Mate ur not alone I sometimes.reel.this list off but again same note love and adore my baby and wouldn’t change it for the world well not.at the minute or unless u offered me and all inclusive holiday ha ha I’d be gone love ur blogs so honest and true but most of all REALISTIC and we all no what a devoted living mommy you are too xx

    • Hayley
      August 10, 2016 / 11:16 am

      ☆ loving not living ☆

    • tammymum
      August 10, 2016 / 1:38 pm

      Thanks Hayley that’s a lovely thing to say. Even though we wouldn’t change it it can still be hard sometimes eh. If that a,l inclusive holiday comes up, give me a shout..ill be there lol xx

  2. August 10, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    Thanks for sharing! I need a bathroom beer mid day often. I have four girls under nine!

    • tammymum
      August 10, 2016 / 1:36 pm

      A beer or two I would say, big respect to you, 4 must be busy indeed. Ther are 11 months between my two, and the oldest had just turned two and I don’t get a minute so I can only but imagine 4… Thanks for your comment lovey xx

  3. August 10, 2016 / 1:20 pm

    Hi. I think this is a very honest post and we all feel like this a lot of the time. I am writing this as my partner has taken the kids to McDonalds and the park so I can clean the oven – but f*ck it. I am having a cuppa and watching the TV instead! We have just come back from holiday and it was lovely – but it was hard work. All I wanted to do was sunbathe and read, but I only got to do it for an hour a day when our youngest was napping. I scolded myself feeling this way, but everyone needs alone time. I hope you had a relaxing time on holiday – especially when you were writing this post. Don’t beat yourself up and you look gorgeous on the lovely on the holiday photo. #bloggerclubuk

    • tammymum
      August 10, 2016 / 1:34 pm

      Oh I so don’t blame you. That is entirely the sort of thing I would do. Holidays are hard with little ones when we went abroad a few weeks ago I think I sunbathed once in two weeks. Argh. How they have changed eh. It’s not forever but it sure feels like it when you’re in the middle of it…and it doesn’t help when you see constant posts and signs about cherishing every moment with your children etc, talk about a guilt trip. Thank you for your lovely comment, enjoy your five minutes peace xx

  4. August 10, 2016 / 1:38 pm

    How’s that socially unacceptable? Being a parent is a full-time job with a bunch of overtime hours and mostly quite a lousy pay. So taking a time off just for yourself is completely acceptable, at least by my standards, no matter the original goal of it 😛
    #BloggerClubUK

  5. August 10, 2016 / 4:18 pm

    Sarah I love this. There must be something in the water at the moment as I just wrote a post about those days where parenting is just hard work!! We all need time to ourselves and we all enjoy those rare opportunities when we get it – that doesn’t make you a bad mum in the slightest. Love your honesty here and please know you aren’t alone in feeling this way! #BloggerClubUK

  6. August 10, 2016 / 6:34 pm

    I’m sure every mum has thought or uttered all of those things! I’m currently sat here reading blogs on my laptop while my husband does a rare bedtime – I can hear it’s not going well but I’m not going up! Whoever you are, being a parent is really flipping hard work – I don’t believe anyone out there doesn’t have thoughts like this. #bloggerclubuk

  7. August 11, 2016 / 7:36 am

    I don’t agree with all of the points, but I think it’s only human to feel like that sometimes! I only have 1 at the mo so maybe one day I will agree with them all! #stayclassymama

    • tammymum
      August 12, 2016 / 7:39 pm

      Haha I do think having two so young may contribute to the feelings behind that post. You don’t get a minute to yourself with one, but two, I don’t think I even get a second lol. But hey we are all different and all deal with and approach things differently eh. Thank you for your comment lovey xx

  8. August 11, 2016 / 7:49 am

    I love this. I actually think anyone who claims they don’t sometimes feel the same is lying. Parenting is so hard, it’s rewarding but hard! I think it’s a good job the highs are so amazing because sometimes it’s really hard! #ablogginggoodtime

  9. August 11, 2016 / 8:25 am

    funnily enough I just told my husband when he got home from work that I have just cracked the shits with my 9 year old and this is unusual as she is usually the Angel child lol. Maybe I should feel guilty but the truth is I am human and I am tired, I’ve worked hard today at work, come home and ran around doing mum stuff and then she really annoyed me or reasons I won’t go into. The thing is we aren’t alone in these thoughts and feelings. I’ve said it before I post picture perfect images on Instagram and they ‘are’ my ‘real life’ but that’s not all there is to my life, I choose not to post the grumpy and messy pics on Instagram because I like to have pretty Instagram feed. But I acknowledge that, i don’t pretend that is all ether is to my life. there is the picture perfect moments and the shit moments. I live a ‘real life’ not fake one. My blog is what i feel whenever I feel it, if people want to judge me then let them who cares??? I love my kids, but I still get tired and frustrated, and I think we all do! #stayclassy

  10. August 11, 2016 / 9:57 am

    Trolls can do one! Parenting isn’t perfect and isn’t what you see on Instagram. It’s hard and takes work. I am all for sharing the real side of parenting and my many parenting failures. :-) #StayClassyMama

  11. August 11, 2016 / 11:08 am

    You are certainly not alone! Parenting is hard! My children are 11. , and 4 – everything is about them and I work from home (which is far from easy when they are around) and I’m studying for an MA at University, and start my teaching degree in September. I’m doing a couple of things for myself – I love uni! Really this is for my family in the longer-term so we can have a better life. Life is about them and I’m responsible for them so I know it has to be and I know that this is what I signed up for and I wouldn’t change it either, but it’s not all picture perfect and it never is! I’m a glorified taxi as they play sports like football, dancing, swimming etc… so every night at least one child has a club. My elder two have always loved going for meals out but my younger one hates it. He would much rather sit with a pack of 20p noodles from the supermarket and makes life difficult for everyone when we are eating out. He is only 4 – and nobody’s perfect so although it gets on my nerves, I accept this is him. What makes me proud is that they aren’t perfect and neither am I – but I can honestly say they are confident, happy, energetic children! :) Much love to you – great honest post! #BloggerClubUK

    • tammymum
      August 12, 2016 / 7:35 pm

      Wow good on you, being mum, taxi, working and uni. You really have a lot on your plate I think you’re fab for doing it all. You are right parenting is hard, so hard, but we signed up for it and happily so. We wouldn’t change what we have but it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. Thank you for your lovely comment, all the best with uni xx

  12. August 11, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    Don’t feel bad for needing a break, even on vacation with your kids. I always need a vacation from my vacation when I take my kids with me. It’s fun and all but mom needs a break – and mine are older. They are 9 and 14 and I am so looking forward to school starting again, LOL! There is no set rule book for parenting because every parent is different and every child is different. Having some wine or a beer to help get your through the day is sometime necessary. Keep it up mom! You’re doing great! #ablogginggoodtime

  13. August 11, 2016 / 1:02 pm

    I don’t think it’s bad to say all those things. We’re all human and dare I say it selfish! Human nature. I get days when the other half says I’ll Take the little one off your hands for an hour. Normally so I can nap but it’s nice when they stay longer away than you thought and I can just sit with a tea! ???? #blogginggoodtime

  14. August 11, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    I don’t think that you should ever have to apologise for feeling shit or having a crap day and parenting is bloody hard! I too sometimes feel the pressure to be positive or to be super mum but I’ve found that people appreciate the honesty Hun and sometimes we have to let it out. I don’t think wanting time to be you makes you a crap parent either I think it makes you a better one as you are not resentful. Great honest post! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime ????

  15. August 11, 2016 / 2:02 pm

    the title of my blog, ThirstyDaddy, is based on that moment at the end of the day when both kids are in bed and I can finally pour myself a drink and relax for a few minutes in peace and quiet. You’ll be hearing no judgement from me! #stayclassy

  16. August 11, 2016 / 7:21 pm

    You’re not a bad mum – you’re a normal one! We all need time to ourselves now and then. I LOVE bedtime, because I need some child-free time each day where I can relax and do what I want to do (usually blog, because I’m sad like that). You know what I’m doing for my birthday in a few weeks? Spending the day at a spa while the Popple goes to nursery. I don’t feel bad in the slightest. #stayclassymama

  17. August 13, 2016 / 7:29 am

    With my first, I worked full time, so on holidays, I wanted to spend time with my little one. My choice. About me. Now we’re 5, and everyone is older and a holiday is catering to everyone’s needs – 1 day at the temple, 1 day on the quad bike, 1 day making cookies in the kids club with me watching on. Everyone gets soft drink if we go for a predinner drink (well, everyone that can’t have a cocktail) so everyone likes watching the sunset from the bar (or better yet, if the bar is on the beach they can play while we sit.). Anyway, the point is, a holiday is making room for everyone’s needs. Everyone gets to do what they want and at times, everyone has to suck it up to let them have their moment. That’s fair. You’d do it for your partner, he’d do it for you, so you should do it for your kids and they should do it for you. If you did the big trip to Disneyland, surely it’s fair to stick in a visit to a gallery or scuba dive or whatever yout thing is. Guilt free. In fact, it’s very good parenting if you ask me!

  18. August 13, 2016 / 8:32 am

    Hello – I am you ! Supermum can do one – I’m a human as well as a mother and deserve to put myself first , as , of course , we all do. Love your blog #fortheloveofblog

  19. August 13, 2016 / 11:17 am

    I totally agree, I think the same way, I long for those times where I can have my own space, I find if I don’t get time, I just become super irritable. I don’t think it’s socially unacceptable parenting at all, just honest parenting. Thanks so much for sharing. Xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  20. August 13, 2016 / 12:26 pm

    I Absolutly love this. It’s such an honest post and you haven’t held back. Supermum has nothing on you 😉 great read! #ablogginggoodtime

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

  21. August 13, 2016 / 3:22 pm

    You certainly don’t need to apologise or feel bad about having a glass of wine or a bit of alone time. Happy mummy-happy children, as they say, and we’re all human! #fortheloveofBLOG

  22. August 13, 2016 / 8:32 pm

    I’ve done/do every single thing on your list. I still maintain that all mums think the same thoughts, but only the brave ones own up to it! #stayclassymama

  23. August 13, 2016 / 9:20 pm

    You are neither a bad person nor a horrible mother. This is a very honest and frank post that I think lots of mums can empathise with. Thanks for being brave and publishing it. #fortheloveofBLOG

  24. August 13, 2016 / 10:45 pm

    I’ve had a post in mind for a while about how parenting is like being the England football manager. Everyone has an opinion!

    Once the children are clothed, fed, have a roof over their heads then everything else is nobody elses business.

    It’s your holiday too, and if you want a few kiddy free hours and a beer or two or three. Then you sit on that balcony, drink your beers and bloody enjoy yourself. The madness will begin again all too quickly.

    Great honest post.

    #KCACOLS

  25. August 14, 2016 / 11:41 am

    I did the shipping the other day whilst hubbie waited in the car with the zonked out kids. It was a speedy supermarket shop so it only tookc 20 minutes bit it was the most alone time I’ve had in I can’t actually remember! Being a parent is tough. Nice to read a real post. Oh and love the last photo..Don’t you just love it when both kids cry hysterically at the same time!

  26. August 14, 2016 / 2:24 pm

    A great honest fantastic post. I could tick off all the things on your list for myself. And I DID go back to work (part-time) so I can have a f*cking break and drink hot tea and talk to grownups about grownup things! You are brave writing down what many are thinking and I salute you. #KCACOLS

  27. August 14, 2016 / 4:38 pm

    love this! Come visit me at http://www.fourprincessesandthecheese.com

    Just started the blog about a month ago. Check it out and let me know if you would ever have an interest in guest posting.

    Again its small peanuts- we have had about 8500 views this month but we are growing. I have recently started writing for Suburban Misfit Moms and will soon have an article on Sammiches Psychmeds.

    Maybe we can work together to drive traffic to eachother’s sites. Anyways check it out, read a few posts, let me know if it might be a fit. :)

  28. August 14, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    A lovely honest post. I’m a new mum of a 6 month old and now realise we can’t be all ‘perfect’ mums. We all need our own space at times. My ‘me’ time is blogging. relaxes me xx

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  29. August 14, 2016 / 8:44 pm

    I love this, very honest, and I’m pretty sure every mum has thought at least some of those things. Some more than once, I know I have. I don’t think anyone is a perfect mum, some may seem like they are but they just hide it better. No ones life can be instagram and pinterest perfect. #kcacols

  30. August 15, 2016 / 8:40 am

    Love this and totally echo it all. Yes we are Mum and yes our children are our number 1 priority and always will be but lets not forget that we are human beings with our own needs and wants and feelings. Life doesn’t and shouldn’t stop when we become Mum, we still want our selfish time and to do the things we loved to do B.C (before child). And there ain’t nothing wrong with that. I would never profess to being the perfect Mum, in fact I’m far from it. But hey, my son loves me, we have great fun together and above all he’s happy. And that’s all that matters. #bigpinklink

  31. August 15, 2016 / 9:55 am

    Tammy, I laughed at this. My “kids” are two teenagers 13 and 17 pushing 18. Throughout their life I have balanced the good and bad parenting in order to maintain my sanity. We are all still individuals with needs of our own right? So I am a great mum, would go to the end of the earth for my kids but I LOVE some ME time or US time, who doesn’t? I can remember clearly a holiday in Portugal when mine were 7 and 3 and sneaking off back to the hotel leaving hubby in charge, for a glass of vino and a bit of solitude. Whatever helps to get you through it. Cheers my dear, love your honesty. #bigpinklink

  32. August 15, 2016 / 12:48 pm

    Oh rubbish – drink your wine and tell Supermum to shove it up her arse! That line about a GUILT FREE existence is soooo true! Everything I do I’m like ‘oh but I could be with my son’ or I shouldn’t say that / do that because of my son. Have yourself a lovely holiday – the Grandparents bloody love it anyway xxx #stayclassymama

  33. August 15, 2016 / 6:12 pm

    Well, you know you won’t get any of that supermum shit from me! I’m sure you and I are living parallel lives-I’ve done and felt absolutely everything on your list, and regularly refer to my children as knobs, and say at least 50 times a day that they’re doing my head in! I always phone my husband at least once a day to tell him that if I have to take one more day of their shit, it’s going to kill me…! There is an element of saying these things that is socially unacceptable, but I think it needs to be made the accepted norm, as it’s the norm for the majority of mums, who are silenced into having to hide it, which I don’t think is ok. There shouldn’t be a rule that says just because we created these children, we have to pretend we don’t hate it a lot of the time. With my extended family, I used to pretend it was all rosy and wonderful when we saw them. Now I tell it how I find it, and it’s been liberating!! And now my cousins are having children, I feel like we’ve broken down the walls of pretence, and all tell it how it is!! I need time to myself now, because the way I feel at the moment about parenting, is making me into a person I don’t want to be, and that needs to be addressed. And although I swear under my breath, and feel resentment, and all the other things you’ve talked about, I will still spend every day guiding my children, playing with them, taking them to fun (not for me) activities, and showering them with love. Not being in love with being a parent will not stop me from doing that, and the rest we shouldn’t have to feel guilty about. Xx
    #bigpinklink

  34. August 15, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    I have 3 and we are now mid-summer hols. To be quite frank, they are lucky to still be alive! Not a bad parent, just an honest one!! 😉 #bigpinklink

  35. August 16, 2016 / 5:10 am

    What a fantastic blog post! Thank you for your honesty. There is nothing ‘bad’ at all in what you have said. I COMPLETELY agree!! Parenting is the hardest job in the world and it is 24/7! Only last night we went out for a cheap and cheerful dinner as we thought it would be ‘nice’. I had to walk away to the toilets at one point because I was losing my cool! Our little one did not want to eat anything we put infront of him and was having a tantrum because he wanted to get out of his highchair and explore. We were only half-way through our dinners! It really wasn’t a big deal but it all builds up at times!
    Keep being you and keep being honest – love your blog. #KCACOLS

  36. August 16, 2016 / 7:44 am

    No trolling from me love. Yesterday my friend and eye managed to polish off a bottle of prosecco in under an hour whilst looking after our toddlers after nursery. Last week my little bundle of joy managed to shit all over me and himself whilst we were in the dentists chair. I reassure myself that kids need human parents. That’s what you are – be proud of that. Pen x #KCACOLS

  37. August 16, 2016 / 2:49 pm

    no supermum here…the amount of times I roll my eyes then take a very deep breath before answering to my name are beyond count.
    #stayclassymama

  38. August 16, 2016 / 6:56 pm

    Haha , I’m fairly sure we’ve all been there…or at least most of us! I would love to be drinking in the afternoon child free right now actually.And bedtimes are bliss (the bit when they’ve gone to sleep that is) and eating out was fun and the spontaneity of life was fun too. I cried in the toilet cubicle today because my son (who was in the toilet cubicle with me) wouldn’t stop singing London Waterloo Poo and I was hot, tired, v pregnant and just done with the whole thing. Of course, like you say, I wouldn’t trade it (well that bit I would but you know lots of it I wouldn’t)..shouldn’t have to say it, maybe we don’t have to say it!? #bigpinklink

  39. August 17, 2016 / 9:52 pm

    I’m still liking the sound of the first paragraph where you had a few hours to yourself with a glass of something cold. Sounds like heaven. I’d certainly never judge providing I had a glass in hand too! It doesn’t matter how old our kids are, there is always room for a bit of respite. #KCACOLS

  40. August 19, 2016 / 10:23 am

    I think we can all relate and if someone can’t then they are not being honest with themselves. I’m glad you are not making excuses as it’s okay to feel like this from time to time #KCACOLS

    Nadia – Scandimummy x

  41. December 13, 2016 / 4:51 pm

    We also have two that are 11 months apart – currently 2 and 3 – and I feel every ounce of your pain. I can’t wait for the time they can go stay with grandparents for a night or two, and even if it is still a couple of years away the dream of it gets me through those really tough (almost every single) day.