Tobias, Toby, Tobes, Tobey Wobes, Monkey moo, my beautiful darling boy, I will try and curtail the use of monkey moo before your eighteenth, no guarantee though, especially as you are spending the day with your father today and having just spoken to him apparently you have refused to sleep and cried most of the day, there goes my regular Wednesday me day he was talking about at the start of the day – thanks for that, monkey moo. Anyway In a few days you will be 1 year old and what a year you have had. For every parent the first birthday is a significant milestone, but I can’t help but feel the weight of the significance of your first birthday and just how far you have come in your first year.
You will no doubt be aware by now you arrived on this here earth 2 months earlier than intended. Your lungs were not fully developed and you came so quickly the doctors didn’t have the opportunity to give me the medicine you needed to make them work out of my tummy. You were intubated and pumped with drugs. You gave your father the shock of his life when he arrived at the hospital to find you surrounded by doctors, tubes and wires. You were so tiny and precious. I wanted so much to hold you close and take you home, but we couldn’t. For 5 weeks you lived in a plastic incubator receiving the medical attention you needed, I was there everyday willing you to grow stronger, it broke my heart leaving you every night and tore me in two leaving your sister every day. But if it was hard for me, God only knows how it must have been for you. You after all were the one doing all the work, the work that should have been done by me in the safety of pregnancy.
I would be lying if I said the first 6 months were easy, they weren’t. When you did come home you gave me the shock of my life, we were home alone and you stopped breathing and were rushed back into hospital. It was the worst and scariest thing that I have ever experienced. My eyes fill just thinking about it. It is a day I try to remove from my memory. You were so poorly at times and had such soul destroying reflux. I never knew it possible for someone to be so sick. The early months saw us back in the hospital on serval occasions, waiting by your side as you did all could to get yourself well again. But you did, the passage of time stood you well and slowly you got stronger and healthier. You started to smile, to focus, to interact you started to grow in every way.
A real turning point for you was 6 months, we took you to Lanzarote for a month and it was just what the doctor ordered. You really thrived and the problems with your breathing started to ease. Once we introduced you to food there really was no looking back, boy can you eat. You eat three big meals a day and never turn down a snack, I am yet to find something you don’t like – why you are still so tiny and light is beyond me.
You have really started to develop a little personality, you get mad if we leave the room or if your sister takes the toys out of your hands. You are the first to reach for the food and love the sound of your own voice. You can be a noisy little thing. You love your nanny and were so pleased to see her when we got home from our recent holiday, you sat on her lap having a cuddle like the cat who had the cream. You have a smile for everyone, especially your dad. He thinks the absolute world of you, he changed his company name, which is now the family name and son. He is so very proud of you and all his children.
Toby, people wonder before their second child comes along if it is possible to love another as much as their first. Please never be in any doubt of the all consuming and unconditional love I have for you, from the very second I knew you were in my tummy it was never in any doubt. I cried tears of joy when they told me you were a boy and longed for the day you were in my arms. You may have been my second born but that means nothing other than you are 11 months younger than your sister – you completed our family.
You have a strength and resilience in you that will get you far, you certainly are – tiny but mighty. You have the most beautiful smile and the biggest blue eyes. You will melt hearts one day, I know this because you well and truly melted mine. Everybody we meet comments on your happy disposition and gorgeous smile. You are, for the most part, placid and content. You are yearning desperately to move and follow your sister around, you want to do so much more than your little body allows you, but it will come and woe betide us when it does.
So my little monkey moo this ones for you. Make no mistake, I love every fibre of your little being with everything I have. You, and your sister, drive me mad, but make me proud everyday. There is nothing I, or your father, wouldn’t do to ensure your health and happiness. I wrote a post like this for your sister a few months back and I make no apologies for ending it the same way…
You, and your sister (and your father), are the loves of my life and my greatest achievement. We tell you everyday how much we love you and your daddy always gives you 10 kisses at bedtime. So much has changed in the last 12 months and it is because of you. You have changed the person I was, you make me want to be better, a good example, a mum to be proud of. I would walk through fire if it kept you safe – you are my most treasured asset and I love you so very much.
Happy birthday my darling boy.