Growing up I had an amazing bunch of friends. There was a lot of us all in but there were 5 of us who were ‘besties’. No matter what other friendship groups we had or what life paths we took the 5 of us remained as a 5. We are still are, to me they are my sisters. We all lead very different lives now, we are mostly in different cities, (or countries) doing different things, some are married, some have babies, one is even soon to have the title of DR. Thanks to the medium of Facebook and the What’s App group chat we all speak daily and keep up with each others life. Unfortunately we do not see each other anywhere near as much as we should like.
When you are a teenager your daily focus with your friends is generally, ‘so what shall we do today’ now it seems to be, ‘so when can we meet up?’ – the answer is usually a good few months from the conversation happening and if, god forbid, all 5 of us want to be in the same room at the same time, it’s a good half a year minimum. So for what is becoming our bi-annual shindig, last weekend I journeyed back to the homeland of Bristol for a surprise party. My bestie had flown home from Bulgaria for her birthday weekend and all 5 of us were planning on being in the same room at the same time. A-MAZ-ING.It was pretty special actually, the look on my friends face was priceless when I turned up and we sat in her mum’s back garden with a cold bevy in hand. It was as though the last 5 years had not happened. I have sat in that garden countless times, usually with a drink, always chatting carelessly away – the only thing missing was a crafty siggy on the back wall. One by one the 5 of us arrived and we sat chatting as though no time had passed. For a brief moment I almost forgot that I had two babies who WERE NOT with me. Panic stricken I rang home to check in cursing myself for…for? I don’t know, enjoying the moment. Part of the celebrations included a night out, ya know a night ‘out out’. I’m not talking a few drinks early evening, home in time to down several pints of water, and an early night after praying babies sleep. I mean the you-don’t-even-get-in-the-taxi-until 9 o’clock type. This sort of night used to be common place, about 10 years ago, now I start to shake when I see 10 o’clock and panic that I am not already asleep. Anywho I was embracing my few hours of freedom.
So I threw on some heels (another bi-annual event these days) and got in the taxi at 9 o’clock (shudders). I then found myself stood in a bar, catching up with old friends with a drink in hand, no snot on my top, not change bag, no stash of wet wipes. It was as though the last 5 years had not happened. We soon migrated from the bar to a club, well I say soon I don’t think we actually got to ‘da club’ until about 1am. Thank god I didn’t look at my watch at this point otherwise I may not have made it. This club however used to be known as ‘Reflex’ you may have heard of them as they are chain. It was, back in my clubbing days an 80s bar, where the ‘older’ crowd would go to re-live their youth and party to the disco classics and sing at the top of their lungs. We did not frequent this place all to often. Now, now I found myself in the re-named Popworld, singing and dancing (yes dancing) to music of my youth, music from our school days, our early clubbing days,the 90s the 00s. It was as though the last 5 years had not happened. I must say I did feel somewhat horrified at the fact that we now qualify as the ‘older’ crowd and chose a place that plays yesterday’s music and allows for shameless word dancing. Horrified and secretly loved it in equal measure. The picture of myself sat in a sophisticated trendy club come bar with the latest music, that’s so current its not even out yet definitely did not happen.
Shamefully we were kicked out at closing when the lights came on, spent an hour faffing about getting the compulsory end of night chips, pissed about waiting for a taxi and got through the door at 4.30, 4 fucking 30! I could have cried. Going to bed at 5am when you have two babies to tend to the next day is just soul destroying, I am sure you will agree Mummas. Even more horrifying when your body clock wakes you up at 8am, have a 2 hour drive and the usual tantrums, dinner time, bath time and bed time scenario to battle with all on three hours sleep. Now I know I brought it on myself, and no I did not get any sympathy from Mr TM but boy was I glad when 7.30 bed time rolled around.
The night wasn’t without its hiccups, everyone drank too much, (yes I am looking at you Bob), the damned heels took their toll come 3am and it cost a small fortune but it was nonetheless a fantastic 12 hours spent with my amazing friends. Ladies I miss you! I am sure the message has come across loud and clear – it felt as though the last 5 years had not happened. That night from start to finish was so standard in our lives that it felt like I had slipped right back into my old life. In the last 5 years so many key things have changed. Whilst I loved my night of baby freedom to piss about with my mates (and I did) and whilst I miss my friends and family it occurred to me that the feeling of the last 5 years had not happened was fine, for that split second but any longer and a black cloud starts to creep in. I am so far from that lost, unsure and uneasy girl that was. I am different now, I am a mum and I do not want to go back. I am eternally grateful for the last 5 years of my life and the people that have made it, (yes Mr TM I am looking at you). I could not wish for more and could not be without my (not that) new family.ard”>